Posted by Daisym on September 27, 2009, at 0:56:08
In reply to Re: Need help understanding these tears » Daisym, posted by antigua3 on September 25, 2009, at 14:40:19
Oh, Daisy, it hurt so much to read this, to know that you are hurting so much, and to recognize and feel those feelings, too.
****At least I'm not alone - although I'm sorry you know this pain.
You described the complex set of feelings so well as horrible as they are when you are in the midst of them.
****Complex is the exact right word. Trying to name them helps though.
Maybe you're in one of those push-pull times when you are testing him with all your might, but at the same time you want to be loved and cared for? Just like we did as children, but we didn't have the firm boundaries that our Ts have? But we need to know those boundaries are safe, and that your "specialness' with your T is a different kind of specialness, a very safe and trusting one, a place where you can let all these feelings out and you won't be judged. Because your T is not judging you; he never judges you. You are so lucky because you do know in your heart that he does care very much, but he will never cross those boundaries and as much as you want a special piece of him, you're developing new ways to define that "special piece." It's not the destructive one you experienced as a child or young girl; it's one that is very firm for our own safety. Otherwise you wouldn't be able to trust him as much.
****I think you are right. I *am* testing - I want to know that if I'm B*itchy he'll still hang in there. He says he will. And the younger parts of me want to be sure that he won't get turned into a monster no matter what. Even if I am special in some way - I don't have to be 'that' kind of special. And one of the really tough things is to recognize that I want him to protect me from myself. *I* choose to have sex which then disrupts me. Now if he tried to tell me what to do, I'd have none of that. But still, the younger parts are screaming, "why did you let me do that?!" It is all so very complicated - this push/pull as we come to trust ourselves more. And the intimacy we share stirs up all the adult feelings - how could it not?
Pls take care. I wish I could help more.
You always help with what you write. Thank you for that.
Keep posting if it helps. Do something nice this weekend.
I'm going to try and just rest tomorrow. Today I had to clean out the garage at my ex-husband's place - he is still living in our house and hasn't sold it yet. So this was another push towards doing that. It was pretty awful but it could have been a lot worse. I'm just glad we are done with it.Hugs, Daisy
poster:Daisym
thread:918256
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090907/msgs/918663.html