Posted by Daisym on September 27, 2009, at 0:44:26
In reply to Re: Need help understanding these tears » Daisym, posted by twilight on September 25, 2009, at 10:58:57
Well Daisy, I can empathize with your situation. I think the therapy experience is kind of like house hunting. We don't really know what we want sometimes, but we'll know it when we see it (or in the case of therapy, feel it or get it.)
****I think this is true although this is my first "real" therapy experience. I met a few others when I was looking for a therapist but they scared me. At that time I could not have told you what I wanted except someone to fix me. And I struggle with knowing that therapy isn't supposed to feel good all, or even most, of the time. But when it feels bad, it is sooo bad.
Our emotions and feelings are very complex but one thing is, we are born fully human into this world and sometimes we don't need to understand so much as just 'be' with those feelings. It's OK to be human and to not be able to figure it all out. And to expect perfection from our T's. Boy, that's a common one even though our rational minds know they are fully human like ourselves.
****Intellectually I do know that I should try and sit with all these feelings. My therapist reminded me Friday that I'm expending a great deal of energy telling myself I shouldn't feel this way instead of utilizing the energy to tolerate the feelings. Blah - sometimes it is hard to not want to stuff it all in the box. The needing him to be perfect is in direct relation to the narcissistic part of me that thinks I have such negative power over people as to turn them into monsters. So if he misses, I worry what i've done to mess him up.
And I think maybe your T wants to 'fix' the problem (wondering how to figure out what you want from him whereas you not really knowing what exactly that is, yourself). Which probably is frustrating for him, because he feels helpless.
****Sometimes he says it is hard to watch me suffer. And other times he seems to forget how long it takes me to really integrate something. He'll say in surprise, "but we talked about that." Yes, well. And he seems well aware that while I cope with life so much better when we are connected, the connection itself causes an internal struggle. He says he is OK experiencing frustration because he has faith we will get back on track. I'm just not OK with him being frustrated.
It might just be, that the two of you talk about these feeling for awhile, not with the intent of fixing the problem, but just to get it out there in whatever way it comes out.
****You are right and we are talking about all this. I am much more honest than I used to be about feeling upset and not getting over it right away.
Daisy it seems to me you are doing a lot of good work with this T ---- keep pushing yourself forward.
****Thanks. I often feel I haven't made any progress at all over the years. He says I have. So we just keep working at it. I still wish all the time for a short cut though...
poster:Daisym
thread:918256
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090907/msgs/918660.html