Posted by fleeting flutterby on April 6, 2009, at 16:22:42
In reply to Re: Tomorrow is coming too fast!! yikes!-- I went. » fleeting flutterby, posted by Kath on April 6, 2009, at 10:14:03
> ~ ~ I'm so very glad that you first of all, phoned the T when you did & that you WENT to the appt & yes, I suspect a nose-bleed could certainly be caused by extreme stress. I'm very glad that the therapy session went how it did. When do you go next? ~ ~---flutterby:--- thank you Kath! It feels so warm when someone replies to me.... I know I shouldn't let it control me like that... but I'm not sure how to NOT let it.
I only see T. every other week-- so I still have over a week before I see her again.
> ~ ~ ~ You said what use are you if you can't help (regarding the woman who got carried away by the current). First of all, NOBODY could help that woman & as you say, she put herself in great danger, sounds like.<<---flutterby:--- Yes, you are right, I think I need to say it to myself 10x a day.. maybe after a while I'll get it through my head.
>> And you HAVE been helping, since you were 13 years old! I'm sorry that you've been in a pattern of being asked what you mother should do, & feeling like you HAVE to solve it for her, then you do your BEST to give her the advice that seems best & if it doesn't work out, she blames you & degrades you, sort of....devalues you. You've been put unfairly into the role of parenting your parent. I hope at least a wee part of you knows that that is NOT fair. It's not fair that your right (everyone has this right, in my opinion) to a carefree, happy, cared-for childhood - was taken away. Due to circumstances & your mom's emotional inability to deal with your dad's death....due to her for whatever reason, not having proper professional support at that time, you were cast in a role that wasn't appropriate & of course you didn't know what to do...and didn't know even that it wasn't right.<<
flutterby:--- Yes, you understand and since you put it that way-- I can see what you mean.... about it being wrong to have to parent ones parent.
> It's NOT your job to know how to make things better for anyone else Mandy. (((you)))----- flutterby:-- Well, it seems like if I could only make everyone better and everything better I would be a good enough person. it's such a struggle for me....*sigh*.....
>
> >"am I worth much if I can't help? ......"
>
> Can't help is very different from WON'T help. And even won't help is often okay, because we always are wise to take care of ourSELF first!<<---flutterby:-- Oh wow! I've not ever thought of it that way! Gives me something to think about , thank you.
>>I hope you can look at your question & pretend someone else is saying that to you...maybe it will feel a little different. But it might not, because you've been thinking that way for a long time, along with your mother's reaction if things don't work out - the blaming & devaluing you.<<
---flutterby:--- Well, I certainly wouldn't expect such things from other people... it is in my mind all the time for myself though.... I can see where this therapy stuff perhaps can aide me in finding NEW ways to think of myself..... but the self-sabotaging way is so automatic.. phew... it's going to take some time and work to overcome it, I hope I can.
> ~ ~ ~ You have a tremendous amount on your plate. It sounds to me like you're in overload - almost in shock & that would make total sense considering all that you're dealing with right now!<<
---flutterby:--- yes, I think it is "overload" that I'm in... my stomach is doing such flips I don't feel much like eating... have this vibrating feeling in my brain... and it's as though I'm sinking in quicksand, going down, down ever so slowly..... wish I could just sleep it all away... :o(
>
> >*sigh*..... I so wish all this would just end.... I'm so tired.....
>
> ~ ~ ~ I know what that feels like. I've felt like that. Actually do fairly often.<<---flutterby:-- Oh, I'm sorry you feel like this often. It's not a good place to be, I'm so sorry.
> > anxiety rises as I can't help... there's nothing I can do, especailly since she is so far away.
>
> ~ ~ apart from being an awful situation, it's so parallel to what happened when you were 19 that it must hugely trigger all kinds of stuff in you. Maybe something to talk with T about?<<---flutterby:-- *opens eyes wide*-- maybe that's it! It feels like I have to keep mother safe so I don't feel a failure like I did back when I was 19 and that lady was in the river. I am going through such anxiety right now! argh!!...
> ~ ~ ~ I'm just going to write this now. If you don't want input, skip this paragraph! I read once, when my kids were small, that one way of dealing with this type of thing is to say what we 'wished' we could do. Like, "I hear how lonely you are. It must feel awful to be that lonely & I wish that you had someone there, right beside you all the time." Depending on how you feel & IF it feels okay - "I wish I could be there with you." If you do say that, I would not have it be the last sentence you say! It'd probably be better to end on a positive, like, "Since that can't happen, I'm going to phone the hospital & see if they have people who'd like to spend time with patients who are feeling lonely. Often hospitals do."<<----flutterby:--- Oh that was so kind of you-- I always welcome advice/input, thank you. I appreciate your input and am hoping to put it to use very soon.
>
> ~ ~ I don't know how big of a city you live in. Although the CoDependents Anonymous meetings no longer happen in our town, I benefited greatly from them. I used to think it was my job to come up with solutions for everyone. I now know it isn't! Wow!<<----flutterby:--- Hey, good for you in going and bettering yourself! I don't know if I could do that..... yikes... I clam up in groups... so nervous.
> ~ ~ Glad you felt okay to open up. You're in my thoughts. Let us know how you're doing.
>
> love, Kath<<
thank you ever so much for your reply.
I worry that I'm bothering people here and that they ignore me in hopes I will go away for good.
(*rolls eyes*-- is that the ol' devaluing self talk??.... it's always in me, just like breathing)thank you-- all that replied-- you are dear to my heart.
I hope and wish that you all are doing OK.flutterby-mandy ....ps-- sorry I wrote a "novel" *blushing*...... :o(
poster:fleeting flutterby
thread:888079
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090328/msgs/889021.html