Posted by fayeroe on April 1, 2009, at 21:50:32
In reply to Tomorrow is coming too fast!! yikes!, posted by fleeting flutterby on April 1, 2009, at 16:27:47
> I'm quite private about things.... it's even VERY difficult to open up to the T. I see. I havn't been to therapy for a month and I have an appointment tomorrow-- yikes!!
Sweetheart, you need to go to the T. Suck it up and go.You need to see her.
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> It's like I'm standing on the shore and there was a boat nearby but it's gradually drifted.... drifted so far that now it's a tiny tiny speck on the horizon-- about to be engulfed into that never ending line where water meets sky..... that's my connection with T.-- almost gone. Seems like it will be way too much work to get that "boat" back near me.... feels overwhelming.Standing on the shore hoping the boat will come back probably won't work. :=-) I know how hard it is for you to ask for help but if you will talk to your T about that feeling, I bet she will understand...
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> I had so many bad things happen in this past month.... even called T. once and started crying... yea-- ME crying!!(and besides I NEVER call T.) that sure was being vulnerable, on my part. I've learned(from childhood and on) that the less people know about my feelings the less likely I'll be hurt. What if I blew it? T. heard me cry(yes, it was on the phone, but still).... that could be an open door for her to know what makes me cry now. maybe she'll think less of me.....Your T is your safe place TO cry. And, M, if she does learn what makes you cry, what is wrong with that? I know, I know.....but please trust her and work with her. I feel like it would be a very good thing for you to just take all of your emotional clutter/***t and dump it on the floor of her office and then try to work through what you can get to in a session.
When the phone call was ending with her(she had a client that she needed to work with) she said that she would like it if I called her in a couple days, -- "yea, right"-- I thought (I didn't believe her and I'm still not sure)..... so I didn't call her.... that's been 4 weeks ago....Woman! A T won't tell you to call her in two days unless she wants you to call! I understand that it is extremely difficult for you to trust anyone but you T is different. She has the parts and the glue to help put your "stuff" together....let her help, please......
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> You know the saying -- "the squeaky wheel gets oiled"?.... I'm not ever the squeaky wheel.... I get too much anxiety that way.... so then-- because I'm NOT squeaking it's ALWAYS assumed that I and everything else is fine.....I know that you don't speak up or ever ask for anything for yourself.That is why you keep getting the short end of the stick. You are a wonderful courageous woman and you need to get going and grab some grace and peace...your T will help you do that. .
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> but it's not fine...... my marriage is in dire trouble as I demand respect from my husband and request he stop drinking-- so he is very upset with me.Okay.......here I go! "Request" is where you lost me when you talk about your husband's drinking. If the word request worked all of the bars in Texas and New Mexico would dry up and blow away...liquor stores too!
In life when we don't show respect for ourselves, the bullies catch on really fast and it's like "dog pile"......let's get going with that T and work on that. Your husband has to fix his problems. You can't fix him and you can't fix the boys.
.... mother's life is in shambles(health wise and emotionally) as she prepares to move back near me-- and live with her boyfriend- and leave her trailer(hundreds of miles away) empty, as it won't sell. I've always always been her surrogate mother since I was 13 when my dad had his first heart attack.(he's now deceased) I don't know HOW to make things better for her..we don't have to make things better for our parents. that isn't our job. I certainly can understand and appreciate the fact that not all parents are hard to "help" and things go swimmingly for some families. (Those families are on t.v.) :-)
...she always asks me what she should do-- then if I say something and it doesn't work out she gets mad at me and tells everyone what a horrible daughter she has..... feels so overwhelming..... ugh.... :o(
How about saying "mom/mother/mama/heyyou, I would love to help you work that one out but I am just so tired/pissed/hungry that I don't have time today. Try to quit giving her your power. Remember I did that for 35 years and look what it got me.....
As a matter of fact when I see someone who wants to leave the decision making to another person...they don't really care what the outcome is going to be.....they are going to blame it on someone else anyway. So, sidestep that one (two step..step and a half) and just let her make up her mind about what she is going to do. Let the ole boyfriend take up the slack. You sure don't want two of them to raise!!!
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> My hours have been cut at my part-time job... if they cut anymore, I'll just be at home all day...No, if you want another job, you'll find one. You don't have to stay home all day. You can always visit me. :-)
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> My sons are struggling....... lawyers, court dates, doctor visits....And I guess the lawyers and court dates have to do with something that they should not have been doing? Been there, done that. Are they living at home now? This is beginning to feel like a really big "dogpile" now...
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> it's all too much...... :o( :o( :o(It can feel like it is too much but the human spirit usually prevails and rises up out of the ashes and takes a few wobbly steps and then moves on. You can do this if you'll just count on small improvements. No one is going to get sober tomorrow because you want them to. They have to do this because they want it. (
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> and it feels like tomorrow- therapy- will be yet one MORE thing to feel overwhelmed about(seeing that boat way out there about to vanish).....I really hope that you read this before you go to bed. It is 7:45 there.........
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> sometimes I wonder if this therapy stuff is even good for people...... is it really worth the anxiety..... does it really help.....If we work on it and pull back up after becoming winded and tired...it is worth it. It is an individual thing, you know.
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> I don't know.... just don't know.... my eyes are open but I don't seem to be able to see ..... seems as though I'm looking at my life through an opaque window....Living with people the way you are would numb anyone's senses. You don't exactly have an easy row to hoe there. Don't beat yourself up over feeling "unfeeling"...
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> *sigh*..... I so wish all this would just end.... I'm so tired.....
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> flutterby-mandy
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Mandygirl, I hope that you will let me know how things are going and not get too exasperated with me over being me.....:-) xoxoxo pat
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poster:fayeroe
thread:888079
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090328/msgs/888128.html