Posted by lucie lu on March 7, 2009, at 14:40:58
In reply to Anger, individuation, and taking risks (long), posted by lucie lu on March 7, 2009, at 4:19:55
Significant change within ourselves tends to happen so slowly that it may become apparent only in the rearview mirror. When I first posted on Babble, almost a year ago, it was about feeling something disturbingly vague and "wrong" in my relationship with my T, as though we had reached some sort of impasse although I didn't know what about. In retrospect I think it was this slow maturation process taking a new turn, starting to work through dependency. We did some good work together and by the end of the summer, I felt a new, unfamiliar yet delicious sense of inner stability. Then (hmmm), I took a dive back into depression. It was a rough time last fall. I found I needing rescuing from time to time again, more phone calls, and yet felt oddly stuck. I thought I sensed his getting impatient with me, with the return of my dependency, although he denied it. Maybe I was projecting, hard to know. Then in December, I started seeing the consultant because I didn't know what was going on and was really disturbed by it. I felt distant and insecure, and felt like therapy just wasn't working. She helped me frame some issues to discuss with my T, which we did. But I kept feeling stuck in some fundamental way. Nonetheless, gradually I noticed myself changing in other ways, steps towards becoming more independent, more adult. When I could no longer ignore those changes, then I got anxious again and went back to the consultant because I felt distant etc. You know the rest. So what I see in the rearview mirror is what my T said yesterday about outgrowing a more dependency-based relationship but being unsure about what to put in its place. I hope I can keep on task this time and not slip back again.
This fall it will be 7 years that I've been in therapy with him.
poster:lucie lu
thread:884214
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090227/msgs/884266.html