Posted by Little Soul on December 30, 2008, at 23:50:52
In reply to Re: In the midst of it all » Little Soul, posted by Dinah on December 30, 2008, at 23:13:40
> Do you have any ideas on why you're having these feelings? Sometimes it's really obvious (like yes, I do wish he was my uncle). But sometimes it's not so obvious.
So far, what I can tell is that I wish she were my mom. I know that I feel jealous, but sometimes it seems like it's something else that I can't put my finger on.
> Do you think there could be some fears connected with her relationship? Are you afraid that her new relationship will take energy away from you? You noticed something was different. Was it different in a way that distressed you?Yes, you are on to something here. I do fear that she will not have energy for me - or won't call me back because she is busy with her boyfriend. Isn't that dumb?
> Do you worry that your therapist is getting something from the new person in her life that she'll never get from you? Does it bring home the fact that you will never have a relationship outside therapy with her? Does it bother you that she's a real person who has a physical relationship and physical needs. (This really bothered me a lot, and I still manage to ignore it most of the time.)Yes, I have this fantasy that, since I was in therapy very shortly after her husband died and she did share some of what happened and a little bit about what was going on for her, I was there for her. Kinda like we were both in pain at the same time. She was never inappropriate with her stuff and only shared on a limited basis. But I developed this thinking that she wouldn't "heal" faster than me. And now she's moved on and I feel left behind. She's happy why can't I be? or I'm still hurting, why can't she be? And yes, I wanted to be part of her family for the longest time. I think I was getting it through my head (heart) that that will never be, but I think this situation has brought it up again for me. I just want her to be my mom and take care of me like a mom would (feeling shy about admitting this publically). And the thought of her being a real person with needs that I can't fill is also very distressing.
I do appreciate your questions as they are helping me to tease out what's going on in my head as I've been in my heart for quite a while now suffering with this. Real glad I found this site.
I've heard about the book you suggest but haven't read it. Sounds like Amazon.com needs a visit from my credit card.
I have to admit, these feelings do contribute to my sense of loss early in my life and my powerlessness over that whole thing. I guess I just wish she were my mom.
Apologies for the long post - you just got me thinking. Thanks Dinah.
LS
poster:Little Soul
thread:871513
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081219/msgs/871559.html