Posted by seldomseen on December 23, 2008, at 14:56:26
In reply to Isolation, loneliness, and one-sided friendships, posted by Racer on December 23, 2008, at 11:36:08
Racer,
I'm so glad you posted this. I'm older (late 30's), single and live alone.I don't date much (I'm not really that good at it) and from the outside looking in I bet I look miserable. But I'm rarely lonely.
Loneliness, IMO is an intrinsic thing. It comes from within us. One can be lonely surrounded by a group of people. It has to do peace with one's self, an acceptance of one's situation and, I don't know, it's almost like a certain *knowing* that "I am enough. Other people may make me better, but I'm okay."
Now isolation, I believe to be an extrinsic thing that can be dealt with pretty handily, when one is ready to let it go. My best advice to end isolation is to find something you love doing and do it.
I know that may sound glib and "hallmarky", but if you are doing something you love - odds are someone else is doing it too. Reach out to them, or you might be surprised to find them reaching out to you. You start off with a strong common interest and can build from there.
I found a whole new family where I volunteer. Literally, I call them my family ( you should know that some people call us a cult ;), but whatever). From those relationships there, I've met new people and I have a pretty good bunch of folks with me. (yes these are the crazy tiger people - but it's a good kind of crazy!).
I know this may sound odd, but I actually moved to be closer to the facility. I go over there to eat when I don't feel like cooking, and people there pop into my house for - whatever.
It took me a while though to find that thing I loved, and it was accomplished in fits and starts. Sometimes I tried to force it (I remember one stint at the bone marrow transplant unit - what an unmitigated disaster that was), and that's usally when I ended up with a bunch of one-sided friends. But I finally hit "it" you know, mutually satisfying relationships.
Now, isolation and loneliness, though I think the stem from different sources, are still intertwined. It's funny how finding a "home" or doing something you love helps one to deal with and stamp out loneliness. It helps to change that factor (whatever it is) that locks us into lonely. Maybe the acceptance from others helps us to see the value in ourelves. I don't know.
As I ramble to a close, in a nutshell, first seek to end the isolation, then work on the lonely.
Love
Seldom.
ps I really really really didn't mean for that to sound as lectury as it came across.
poster:seldomseen
thread:870481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081219/msgs/870517.html