Posted by Nadezda on December 18, 2008, at 16:54:29
In reply to Re: Is therapy just blowing smoke up our a*s? » Looney Tunes, posted by nellie77 on December 18, 2008, at 12:26:23
I don't believe that Ts are insincere or disingenuous with their patients; in fact, it would be highly unhelpful to be dishonest in that way. Not to be dishonest is not always to say everything you're thinking at all times; nor is it to be judgmental in an unhelpful way, although that's not to say that they don't make, and possibly communicate judgments and values, and ways they disagree or disapprove of patients' behavior.
It seems to me to be a serious mistake to think that a therapist is giving some sort of support to an abuser's abuse, say. On the other hand, I hope we alll still do understand that even abusers are human beings who often have undergone significant abuse themselves. And as such, if they're working to grow or to heal from their own abuse, and to understand and control or even overcome whatever in themselves has led them to be abusive, they would certainly deserve help in that. That doesn't condone their actions or even their character. There are times when I"m sure therapist feel its imperative to communicate to a patient that things they've done or are doing are unacceptable. A therapist can also refuse to treat someone if that would mean colluding with unacceptable behavior.
Plus, the fact that a therapist is supporting and giving postive responses to other patients doesn't detract from the authenticity of the therapist's caring for us. It's not as if caring is a limited commodity for which patients compete. The caring that a therapist gives to one patient is quite distinct from whatever type of relationship and caring they develop for other patients. It's not a competition to be the most cared about, or to make sure that everyone else gets less, so that you can get the most. I know we sort of feel that we want to be special, and that if we're special, it means other people can't be. But you can't weigh or compare specialness like that. Maybe some patients do evoke deeper feelings on the part of a particular therapist. But that doesn't invalidate or trivialize the feelings for everyone else. And anyway not all patients want that kind of intimacy or attention. We can just never know what we do or don't get-- or what other patients are or aren't getting. The task is to get and to work for what we need, and to use what the therapist has to give. If a therapist doesn't give not a resonant amount or kind of caring, maybe that person isn't the right therapist for a particular patient. But anyone who thinks all therapist feel (or pretend to feel) the same unambivalent caring for all patients is deeply mistaken about what people, including therapist, are capable of with other people
I would strongly advise anyone who truly feels that their therapist is being emotionally phony or dishonest with them to find another therapist. That is by no means the norm, or the "fact" of how therapists work.Nadezda
poster:Nadezda
thread:869336
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081205/msgs/869478.html