Posted by rskontos on December 18, 2008, at 8:54:31
In reply to Is therapy just blowing smoke up our a*s?, posted by Looney Tunes on December 17, 2008, at 19:54:03
ok,
This is what I think. And bear with me, i am still trying to organize a mind that is muddled and jumbled at best.
I too thought what you are thinking and I often went into therapy and ranted and railed at him. Man is he patient. Maybe his personality or life experience has taught him this, I don't know.
But my conclusion is this. At first we think all this. Are they for real. Do they care. What is it to them. How, why, when etc. etc.
But this is what I have decided. They do accept us. No they can't take the place of our lousy mother or father. Nor can they take the abuse away. But they can accept the who we are in time at this moment we come to them damaged in our minds. Usually so damaged in our minds that we don't accept ourselves. We need someone to so that we can begin healing but we can't because we believe we are beyond that. They accept it, they believe we can make progress toward healing. Often they encourage us to either go to school, take up a new hobby, or just try something new. This is so that in doing so, we will slowly build experience that hopefully will allow us to see that we are worth believing in. Not so that others will believe but so that we will. Because it is vital that we do first and then others will follow. They see the progress long before we do. They see the spark that is there long before we do. And they don't do it for the money they do it because they see the potential we are incapable of seeing.
That is why it is vital you find one that you feel a connection. You find the one that is the right fit for you. Because that T will see things in you, you are not ready to see, you are not capable of see yet. Yet is the big factor.
And the therapy they hope to provide is to move you to that moment when you see it and then and only then will you be able to move toward more independence of your own. Of course transference happens because you at some point feel this, maybe not consciously, that they get you in ways no one else every has. INcluding yourself. And then you are so afraid to lose that one connection that means more to you because you never had it. Because it was the connection meant to be provided by your parents.
And in the end, it doesn't matter that the arrangement was one of financial means, what matters is that they showed you that you matter to someone. And you can matter to some else. That you matter to yourself. Therefore, you will matter to someone else outside of this therapuetic relationship.
So the feeling of 'is therapy just blowing smoke up our a@s" is one of I am scared you might matter to me and just dissappoint me like everyone else has including myself.
Man I get it. But if you have a t that gets you. He or she will know that at this moment you feel this way and it is ok.
You will, if you let yourself, get past this moment. I did but man o man it was hard and still is.
I love to tell my t I could walk out and never look back. But truth is he is the only person right now that listens to me in a way IRL no one person evers has including my H.
take care
rsk
poster:rskontos
thread:869336
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081205/msgs/869392.html