Posted by antigua3 on December 8, 2008, at 9:20:52
In reply to Memories (triggers), posted by Wittgensteinz on December 5, 2008, at 16:03:36
Hey Witti--
I haven't been on the boards all weekend, so I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to reply.Couple of things I want to say:
1. I often feel that what I write here is "too much" for others, and I feel badly about that because I wish I hadn't posted things that are so personal. When I don't get replies, I feel "ashamed" of what i've written, for myself.
2. Something about your post struck me immediately. By opening up and telling, you've let your "secret" out, and that can be a very shaming experience because of the responsibility we may feel (at least I do although rationally I know that's not true). But by letting the secret "out," we find ways to deal w/it; it's not in our minds, but straight out there to deal with. And while that can bring immense amounts of shame (for me, anyway), it can be a step to healing. Just think of the power that "no more secrets" can have. But also, sometimes who/what we tell can be the wrong person/situation. Not everyone is prepared to deal with these things. That's my experience, in any case. Sometimes telling the wrong person (someone who doesn't understand) can be more hurtful in many, many ways. The beauty of babble is that there are lots of people who can understand. They can't always respond (we all can't, myself included) because of what it brings up in them. But just by putting it out there, you've helped others to face things, and that's very difficult for so many of us.
3. My pdoc is not an analyst (who knows what he really is), but he pushes very hard sometimes, and often hurts me by doing this. In comparison, my T is very soft and lets me do the leading. For me, the combo works well most of the time, but I certainly can't deny that the pressure from my pdoc has pushed me over the edge sometimes. Sometimes it's intentional on his behalf, sometimes it's not. I know this because I've asked, and he has agreed that sometimes it's intentional, to take my places he may think I'm ready to go, but I clearly don't think I'm ready. When that happens, I have to protect myself first, his mode of therapy be damned.
Please take care,
antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:866883
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081205/msgs/867446.html