Posted by vwoolf on December 6, 2008, at 7:57:39
In reply to :( I wish I hadn't posted this now » Phillipa, posted by Wittgensteinz on December 6, 2008, at 4:54:53
You haven't broken any rules and what you have written makes a huge amount of sense to me. This feeling of shame about your body that you carry is a tremendous burden. Shame is probably the most damaging emotion that we have as humans, more damaging than fear or guilt or any other. If you have this level of shame, it clearly comes from some kind early wounding - often from a parent who finds her child unlovely, considers her child unacceptable. Very often it is the mother projecting her discomfort with her own body onto her child. So your mother's intollerance of your sight difficulties, her ungentleness in touching you (and how terrible it must be to be touched roughly and unkindly by one's mother) can easily have made you ashamed of your body, of yourself. It makes sense that you would not have defended this unloved body from abuse and rape. I understand that well. I have been there, have just lain there and let it happen over and over. So it makes sense that you should feel shame at your pdoc's questions.
I'm sorry that you are now feeling ashamed that you have posted this here. I think you have not received any replies because it is the weekend and many people do not go online. I certainly do not feel any disgust or think you have done anything out of place. I feel huge compassion for you. I am sorry that your pdoc was very probing. I think it would be wonderful if you could slowly begin to talk about these things - not just the sex, but all the shameful things that fill your life.
My thoughts are with you. I do't ofen post, but your message really touched me.
poster:vwoolf
thread:866883
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081205/msgs/866977.html