Posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on November 30, 2008, at 9:55:52
I know I am in the heart of it probably. It just hurts so bad to admit this stuff, I am opening up to my T, probably more than any T. I hate the raw emotions that is coming up in me.
I exposed the fact I don't want those emotions to come up because I will feel so alone that it feels like dying inside.(like when I was a child)
My T told me how she will help me feel not alone.
The first idea was to bring people into the room with me in an exercised, which I could at first, then it turned on me because I realized they are all dead or not available to me. So it made me feel even more alone than before because I have nobody. At least anybody who I can lean on to hold me up going through what I am going through. The people I brought with me was my grandma and my first T, they are who I feel within me.That brought up some strong emotions within me that I still can't seem to shake days later, because THEY are gone. The story of my life, being alone, being unaccepted, being uncared for. I think feeling this my whole life is worse than the abuse I suffered as a child. I am sure it is abuse's effects.
So facing my past is also facing the fact I feel very much alone in this world like a just born baby being left alone on a cold metal table to fend for themselves.
poster:SlugSlimersSoSlided
thread:865878
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081120/msgs/865878.html