Posted by turtle on November 28, 2008, at 19:33:07
In reply to Re: thanksgiving aftermath, posted by DAisym on November 28, 2008, at 15:40:27
> I think it is part of the process of knowing what happened, figuring out your feelings about it, letting it settle in as part of your history and coming to terms with the people responsible. Even if you cut them out of your life, at this stage, it wouldn't mean you'd done it deliberately but more to avoid all these hard feelings. Which isn't a bad reason to avoid family - but it leaves things unfinished.Daisy,
I think that so much of last night just really caught me off guard. You are right that I just feel too raw and exposed, much more so than I expected. I thought that the events of the holiday (cooking, kids, etc) would protect me and keep me distant, but it didn't. You also make a very good point about the difference between running away too soon and taking the time to process things and be deliberate in my choices. I do want to heal instead of just burying it all again.
So far my therapist has been trying to help me understand my emotions and the physical reactions, but she is mostly guiding me to try to "stay with the feeling" to understand more. We haven't really worked yet on tips to help me avoid these things or how to deal with the effects. I feel a little scared right now knowing that I'm so easily effected and not having any tools yet to really help. I like your tips to avoid the hugs, having a talisman, and arranging the seating. Your understanding also is helping me.
The energy between myself and my dad has always been bad, but we have always maintained a baseline awkward distance. I'm very surprised, but I think he might even be responding to my trying to withdraw (as I'm working through more in therapy) by trying even harder to come closer. I think that's also been in play recently.
I feel very foolish right now that I let myself be blindsided. I am just so good at disconnecting myself and denying what I feel that I didn't think it through. I'm not used to being vulnerable. I think that I learned yesterday that I can't rely on my usual tricks alone and that I need to start planning ahead for the emotional impact.
Thank you so much for sharing what has been helpful for you.
Turtle
poster:turtle
thread:865593
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081120/msgs/865653.html