Posted by twinleaf on November 25, 2008, at 9:34:19
In reply to Re: Golden retriever..., posted by lucie lu on November 25, 2008, at 8:16:40
He's slender and fit-looking, about 5'10", 65 years old, but looks more like early 50's. He has sandy-grey hair, but not much of it except around the back of his head. His face is handsome- not very many wrinkles. He has rather thin lips, a wonderful smile; his best feature is his eyes. They are blue-grey, with a very penetrating gaze, and capable of expressing many different feelings, from empathy, concern and sadness to joy, humor and affection. His voice is deep but rather quiet.
Knowing that he was president of our city's psychoanalytic society, and that he held other national, and even international analytic positions, I was pretty sure he would always be wearing a business suit and tie- not at all! He walks from his home to his office, a distance of about three miles, so his regular office attire consists of running shoes, chinos and a sweater. As I walk into the office, there is always a ski parka and backpack hung up on pegs. But every Friday, he does wear a suit or jacket and tie, plus beautiful Italian loafers. I've never asked, but I think that's the meeting day at the analytic center. I like how informal he is; I am, too. On days when I don't have to dress for work, I also wear running shoes, slacks and a sweater.
As to who he really is, as a person, he is still something of a mystery to me. I feel there's a lot which he is very willing to show me, but many other aspects which I can only speculate about. What comes to my mind first is that he is tremendously honest. He will never say anything unless it is completely true, and he trusts himself enough to say spontaneous things- that they will be absolutely true, and that they will probably be helpful to patients struggling with connection and attachment.
He is also very optimistic. A lifetime of work with hospitalized as well as less ill patients does not seem to have discouraged him. This basic attitude can be so helpful- I know he's not going to crumble when I show him the worst aspects of myself. In fact, he sometimes reminds me that it is "wonderful" to be able to bring those things into therapy because then I won't have to be alone with them.
He doesn't reveal much about himself, but occasionally something startling happens. Recently I mentioned that I was reading Nabokov's "Speak Memory" for the second time. He said, "I am, too" We gaped at one another for a few moments and then started laughing!
As a therapist, he focusses on keeping me steadily in mind as I'm speaking. He only rarely gives detailed verbal interpretations.
He also uses his body language, not in a calculating way, but just as part of his response to me. Often he will start leaning forward in his chair during tough moments for me. The unspoken message always is, "I'm here with you- you're not alone with it any more."His office is a mixture of cluttered and interesting. He has an open laptop on his desk showing a lovely snow scene of the Rocky Mountains, but the desk itself has lots of papers and open calendars. There are two large bookcases- the one near me seems to have as many works by Shakespeare. Tolstoy, etc. as it has analytic texts. There are some unusual pictures on the wall- for example, an enormous one of a manual typewriter.
I'd say he was not especially demonstrative or outgoing, but he's not reclusive either-kind of in the middle. Is there anything I don't like about him? No. But I wouldn't mind redecorating his office and making it really pretty!
poster:twinleaf
thread:865092
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081120/msgs/865169.html