Posted by DAisym on October 30, 2008, at 23:59:48
In reply to In which I vent about my stupid T, posted by Suedehead on October 30, 2008, at 19:25:16
In all of my training there has been a mantra - "is this good for the patient, good for you, good for both or good for neither?" We of course shorten it to, "is this good for the patient..." But it is important to look at disclosure. Honesty can be fraught with peril. As a patient, I'm much more selective now on what I ask and where I might go hunting for information about my therapist. It is God-awful painful to run into his "other" life - the one that doesn't include me. I think professionals sometimes delude themselves that getting it all out on the table in the name of authenticity is good for the patient. I've heard over and over again that this is the way to work through it - that it will help the therapy. But I don't totally believe that.
I think knowing that your therapist cares about you is super important. But I think hearing about their attraction brings their struggles into your space - and you have to help hold their stuff as well as your own. Therapy relationships are complicated enough with our own hopes and wishes - but somehow we know that in that safe space reality is suspended. Knowing how they "really" feel allows reality into the room. That is a lot to hold. And I think they are less consistent because they themselves are conflicted. Imagine their internal questions, "did I lead her on? Did I let something go that I know would cause pain? Am I being professional enough? Fair enough? Strict enough?" I can just hear their self-talk - bending over backwards to hold the boundaries.
I'd be angry too. He has created a space in which you are taking care of his feelings and you are now forced to worry (consciously or unconsciously) that something you say will change his feelings for you - and he has created a trajedy for you to grieve - the potential of you two together "if only." How does this focus on what you need(ed) from the therapy? Where are your original issues in all of this?
Sorry I wrote so much. I guess this touches a button in me. I just hear so much anguish and wish I could help more.
Be gentle with yourself.
poster:DAisym
thread:859675
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081018/msgs/860018.html