Posted by twinleaf on October 30, 2008, at 19:41:34
In reply to Re: very sorry to hear that you are struggling wit » twinleaf, posted by Wittgensteinz on October 30, 2008, at 18:55:21
Thank you for those tender and encouraging words, Witti. I really do appreciate your saying that to me, and especially now when everything must feel very very painful about your own therapy relationship. One thing struck me- your pdoc asking if you found your T "cold"- perhaps he has been known by others in the field to get that way under extreme emotional pressure?
As to "enactments", we (T and I) were just talking about them. Patients are expected to have them, as they begin bringing their original familial relationships into the therapy relationship. But Ts also have them; it's considered a sign that the T is well-focussed on the patient's real problems when he/she begins to feel pulled or pushed into acting like one or both of the parents. But that's where he has a unique job: he needs to know what it felt like to be you, and he also needs to understand something of what the parent was feeling, but he has to, sometimes, work very hard not to go too far into the enactment. He needs to truly understand how bad it was, emotionally, but to also be able to offer us a newer relationship- not perfect- but different and healthy enough so that our brains can take that information in, and rewire some!
One of the most tragic things about the times when therapists go too far in their enactments is that it seems to almost always happen when the fit is good, when there is a lot of mutual warmth and regard. Often, there is mutual sexual desire, which can be so healing and helpful if the boundaries are kept, and so damaging if they aren't. You don't hear of it happening in so-so humdrum relationships. I don't think I would have noticed this if it weren't for Babble. Somehow, despite all the hurt, it's better to know that, at least, strong and not just negative feelings were involved!
poster:twinleaf
thread:859655
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081018/msgs/859982.html