Posted by Nadezda on September 26, 2008, at 9:58:46
In reply to how do you do it? (triggers), posted by onceupon on September 25, 2008, at 10:37:38
I don't know that I have any thoughts on why or how people go on. When I had suicidal impulses and thoughts, I really never did find a reason other than that, deep down, I just wasn't ready to give up on some of the hopes and dreams that I hadn't yet realized. Maybe seeing your son grow up, or fulfilling some project of your own, or learning more about how to live, so that you can grow as a person-- I think each of us has different aspirations in life that, ultimately, are living in us-- and that we aren't ready to abandon, despite the pain or loss or loneliness of our current lives.
When I think back to my years of wanting not to be alive, I'm glad that I didn't follow through with my thoughts-- and I think you too will look back in the same way. I think having a list of reasons-- and going down to the core of why you want to be alive-- yourself-- could help, in the worst times. I may even make a list now-- for the days when I feel discouraged.
We sometimes don't remember the things we could be grateful for, when the pain gets to a certain point. They just disappear into it. but they reemerge later-- and become meaningful again.
I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time.
Nadezda
poster:Nadezda
thread:853981
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080920/msgs/854178.html