Posted by lemonaide on September 17, 2008, at 22:04:53
In reply to Re: T Touching Himself/sassy, posted by rskontos on September 17, 2008, at 17:29:22
I think there is more to think about Sassy than is he attracted to you or is he being ethical.
You mentioned you have never had a "healthy" relationship of romantic love. So in a way you know your T is being unethical, but in a way you still want him anyway. You stayed in a unhealthy and abusive marriage for many years, even though the physical intimacy was good. I wonder how this relationship started with your ex. Did it start as very sexual? Maybe that is the only way you know how get a man is through sexual advances.
You have to admit you have tempted your T in many ways, and he is showing his natural reaction to this, but he still needs to keep his tongue in his mouth anyway. Your relationship is very sexualized with him, and I wonder if that component was taken away, what would be the attraction then?
You have fell in love with you ex too, so maybe who you are being attracted to has to do with your past. It took a long time for you to leave your marriage, and it seems like you have been dealing with this unethical T for a long time too.There most be something inside of you that feels you don't deserve better than unethical T or abusive men or you don't see the abuse till after you fall in love with them. But would you really want to be with a man who comes on to his clients, cheats on his wife? How would that feel if you were with him?
You deserve so much better, and as pretty and attractive you are, you could do much better in the looks department, and with your love and smartness, you could do better than him in the personal moral department, than being with your T.
I know the "unforbidden" is a quite a rush of excitement, but what follows whether he acts on his attraction or not,it will still be hurtful to you either way eventually.
One poster said how can you look for a man, when you are wrapped up so much with your T and want him? I am sure that is preventing you from meeting a good man for you.I know all of this hurts like hell, but I would like to see you leave the relationship for you. I don't care if he is happily married or not, what he is doing with you is not only harmful to you, but it is disrespectful to his wife. If he acts on this in the wrong way, he will not only lose his wife, his church, and his career and I think eventually you.
I really wish you could find another T, because it doesn't seem he is really helping you anymore, maybe a lot at first. I remembered you said you haven't cried in years. Shouldn't he know this and work on this with you? It seems you have more therapy to do, but with all this stuff between both you and him, I don't see how you have a chance to work on you.
Sassy, it would be good to look into why you are falling in love with men who are abusing you. It is uncommon I know, but I suspect there is something to all of this. We all tell you that you deserve better, but do you believe it?((((((Sassy Twin)))))
poster:lemonaide
thread:852422
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/852568.html