Posted by lucie lu on September 3, 2008, at 10:22:22
In reply to Re: My T is back and we met today (long) » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on September 2, 2008, at 16:28:05
10der, it sounds like you are really hurting. As I recall, you had a great T but then they moved? So you two are trying to stay in touch by whatever means possible? Talk about challenges of LDRs...But you are right, meeting regularly is only one phase or stage of the relationship, and the one we most understand. But there are others - meeting irregularly, talking when you can by phone, emailing, or just holding onto mementos and memories in between contacts - that are considerably more challenging or painful but still much better than completely severing a very valuable personal connection. Then another day, we may have to get by just on memories alone. Which is hard not only for us but for our Ts as well (whether they own up to it or not).
When I think these sad and anxiety-provoking thoughts (which, as a terminophobe, is too often), I actually am comforted by what Daisy's T said about people always being yanked from our lves all throughout our lifetime. I try to console myself by thnking about all the people that I *will* love who have not yet been yanked into my life. I am not always successful at this but someotimes I am and it helps.
Your continuing painis a tangible, palpable evidence of the enduring connection between you.
Maybe at some point you will be able to let go that particular means of keeping the connection in favor of one that fits the bill but with less pain on your part. To me this seems very much like Daisy's discussion of crisis and flooding etc to keep ourselves connected to our Ts.Having said all that, still it must be incredibly hard if you have not had plenty of time and mutual work to prepare for it. I wish you peace and healing.
((((((((10der)))))))))
Take care of yourself,
Lucie
> well, I know this will be out of blue, as I rarely post, AND, no one terminophobic (that included me before I was forced into it) "really" wants to hear this, but...
>
> "Still have a relationship" can be underestimated. "Still have a relationship" can suddenly become very important. A Huge Thing. A Precious Thing. THE Thing.
>
> Perspective changes when "aren't meeting regularly" is the *only* choice and "still having a relationship" is all there is.
>
> :-( Sorry to make this about me, sorta....just venting....sorry lucie...
poster:lucie lu
thread:849897
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080826/msgs/850059.html