Posted by onceupon on September 2, 2008, at 19:42:55
In reply to My T is back and we met today (long), posted by lucie lu on September 2, 2008, at 12:56:37
"Yes, someday in the future it will be hard when I say good-bye to him, but in part is this not also because he is the living reservoir of my past and he knows, and sees, me as the person who has grown up through that life? Can I really be visible without him, after so much that was there, is gone? Too much stuff flying around this morning."
This struck me. I'm not sure if I'm reading it right, but it sounds kind of like one of the reasons I've stayed in my not-so-hot marriage for a long time. My husband has known me since forever - we basically grew up together. Sometimes it feels unbearable for me to relinquish that. My own memory is pretty poor, and he provides a lot of shared remembering for me.
Does it feel like your therapist is the only "living reservoir of your past?" Are there others who fill a similar capacity? And I don't ask that question because I don't think your relationship with your therapist is unique and important - and obviously, he is a reservoir of your relationship together - as are you.
I'm probably not being so clear here. I do understand the experience of feeling unsettled during a first session following a long absence. IME, it has a little bit to do with expectations - I've been saving up weeks of anticipation about the next session, and when it inevitably fails to live up, I feel discouraged. It doesn't sound like that's necessarily the experience for you though.
Gah - I'm trying to be supportive here, really. Just not sure it's coming out right.
poster:onceupon
thread:849897
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080826/msgs/849971.html