Posted by LadyBug on July 3, 2008, at 13:09:33
In reply to Re: Happyflower, I'll answer that for ya ;o) » LadyBug, posted by Dinah on July 3, 2008, at 8:32:54
Dinah- My logical side and my true therapeutic side agrees with every word you wrote. I find by the pain she added to my already painful stuff has made me leary of her motives. Did the friendship side kick in and she felt bad for me and needed to take herself and pull in the reins with the boundaries. She needed to explain herself to me and maybe she would have if I had given her enough time.
I do know it's almost impossible to try to analyze other people's thoughts and actions without getting input from them. I feel I've taken this as far to the negative side as I could have because my feelings were so hurt. I was fragile as it was and her comment and boundary change "broke" me! It pushed me past my limit of dealing with my life. I know I was very vulnerable at the time things feel apart. Can't she take that into consideration? Have I given her a chance? Probably not. Will I give her the chance? Right now, no, I can't. It hurts too much to think about going to her office.
In my letter I did say this: "I don't plan on contacting you again. Is this how you want to let 11 years of hard work and time end? Please feel free to contact me. If I don't hear from you I will assume our work has ended." So I gave her the choice to contact me. Is that direct enough? I know she wouldn't contact me unless I told her too. I didn't want her to have to contact me.
I deleted her office numbers out of my cell phone. I kept her cell phone and home phone numbers, just in case.She has a figurine of mine in her office on the top of her desk. It's a "Kim Anderson" little girl sitting and holding a flower. It symbolizes the little girl in me and has ever since I "loaned" it to her to keep on her shelf. In my letter, I told her to do whatever she wanted to do with it. Last time I was there I told her to throw it in the trash. She said she didn't work that way.
I really appreciate you taking the time to write out such a good reply. I have thought so much about it and everything that everyone here has written to me.I would rather withdraw from everyone and hope this blows away quickly but unfortunately I think this time it's going to hurt in some ways for the rest of my life. Even if I were to give our relationship a chance to be redeemed. I don't understand her logic in what she said to me and think she could have chosen better words to tell me she was disappointed in me for falling apart. Gosh, with the stuff I've been through, I'm pretty sure the best of the best would have crashed! I did and I can't change it now. And why should I? Because she wanted me to be a rock with no emotions or hurt? I guess so. I don't get it.
When September comes, isn't that a song? Maybe I need to make a song for myself. If I don't hear from her, I will assume she hates me and was so done with me and it will hurt more than anything in the world. My world already hurts.Thanks Dinah, I think you have a lot of wisdom.
I can and will learn from you and the other's here at Babble.LadyBug
poster:LadyBug
thread:837641
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080616/msgs/837841.html