Posted by llurpsienoodle on May 14, 2008, at 5:43:58
In reply to Re: I woke up with stupor, posted by Nadezda on May 13, 2008, at 20:45:48
> Llurpsie, maybe this is more about your grieving for you kitty than the money.
>
I broke down crying and had to ask T for a tissue, which I've never done before.> Are you punishing yourself for grieving, for feeling this loss, for having perhaps not protected your kitty?
yes
>
> The money is an issue-- but I don't think it's the real issue at the moment. You'll have a job, and will be more responsible about the money. Maybe you were a bit hypomanic; maybe you had unexpected dental bills-- or didn't account as much for them as was best--
>
> but the emotions about your kitty seem to have plunged you into the emotions of the moment, the self-blame and self-punishment.
>
> And I think you should call your T if you're in this much pain-- whether you've paid him in a timely way or not.
>I feel he is sick of hearing about the kitty, and the kitty's body. It was traumatic to find the kitty in the way we did. gruesome, even
> And, by the way, you're not ripping him off-- you will pay him.-- Perhaps that's become another reason to punish yourself-- but you don't deserve this outpouring of blame.
I feel I do, but I guess you're right. You have good insight
>
> It's important not to hurt yourself-- and not to deprive yourself of his help, if you need it. Try, if you possibly can, to reach out--- even if part of you doesn't want to.none of me wishes to reach out. I just want to keep my pain and self-hatred self-contained. Ergo, I don't call him until I feel better. The fair-weather patient.
-Ll
poster:llurpsienoodle
thread:828931
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080508/msgs/829024.html