Posted by seldomseen on April 20, 2008, at 8:28:57
In reply to Re: Mad as a hornet one minute - the whole story » Dinah, posted by raisinb on April 19, 2008, at 11:46:50
Reflecting back on my thoughts on this, I recognize a distinct change in my thinking. Prior to therapy, I would have just assumed that this was something that I had to go through myself.
Now I not only recognize the need for help, but am actively seeking it out and will continue to do so.
The reaction I had to my therapist's inability to respond (for whatever reason) is a very complicated one, involving several layers of problems that we need to solve I think.
I am convinced that my therapist and I have a strong shared common interest as we progress - my emotional health and safety. Each of us, however, brings a different set of complications to achieving that common interest. We have a lot of work to do.
The optimist in me believes that I will show up to therapy tomorrow and he will simply say "I think you need to come in twice a week for a while, so let's schedule that."
The pragmatist in me thinks that he is simply unable to offer or implement that because of his current patient load.
The pessimist in me thinks that he really isn't that concerned at all, doesn't care and just wants me to continue termination.
There is a deeper issue though - and that is I truly think that he has not been "there" even when we are in session. He appears to be offering only platitudes, no real insight or even a plan to help me deal with the emergent issue of sexual abuse.
I am aware that he recently had a death in his family. I suspect that this is affecting his professional abilities. I understand and mourn with him. However, as a patient, I am forced to ask "where does that leave me?".
I feel terrible that all this crap occurred with me at a time when he is dealing with his own stuff, but again "where does this leave me?".
Thank you, raisnb, for recognizing and validating my desire to get help and my efforts to get it.
I will keep everyone posted about my session tomorrow. I don't know whether it will advance my efforts, do nothing, or derail them entirely.
Seldom.
poster:seldomseen
thread:823968
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080405/msgs/824389.html