Posted by CareBear04 on April 19, 2008, at 23:37:07
In reply to Re: should i walk away from therapy?, posted by backseatdriver on April 19, 2008, at 21:08:45
thank you all so much for your responses. i guess the general consensus is that i should let him know what i'm feeling, either in person or, if that's too hard, then in writing. i cancelled my appointment this coming week, but i want to get this matter resolved soon, so i'm leaning toward sending something in the mail.
my T called back in response to my message about not being able to make my regular time, and he left a message in which i felt like he missed what i was saying about maybe not rescheduling at all. so i left him back a message saying that i didn't have much hope of anything good coming out of our work, so i thought i should save us both the effort and not continue. when we were finally able to connect on the phone, i think he played dumb on purpose as to what i was saying, just to make me reiterate it to him directly. discussing the matter was really frustrating. he said he was a little puzzled because it's not even been two weeks since the "after hours call," and at a time when he was recommending that i come more often, i wanted to stop. when i fell into my long silences, he seemed a little impatient and suggested that we table the issue until my appointment the week after next. he said that he felt we need to talk about this matter more, but that if, at that point, i was sure about quitting, he wouldn't force me to continue. he sort of asked whether i wanted to find a new T, and i assured him that i don't; that i just don't want to do therapy at all anymore. he kept telling that therapy takes a long time, that the benefits aren't all or nothing, and that i have so much to live for, but i was frustrated because i felt like he was just missing the point-- i'm not even sure i want to get better anymore, whether there's even anything worth salvaging, and i don't want to delude myself into believing anymore that there's any hope. whether or not therapy could conceivably help long-term, whether HE could help, i don't think i'm able to accept help. there's also the consideration that i don't want to feel obligated to contact him in the case of any crisis. i just want to disentangle myself from all connections.
i don't know if i can wait a week and a half to tell him these and other things. should i write the letter?
thanks again for all the comments.
cb
poster:CareBear04
thread:823539
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080405/msgs/824365.html