Posted by sunnydays on April 13, 2008, at 12:32:21
In reply to Re: change.... maybe good, maybe not » sunnydays, posted by BlueBalloon on April 13, 2008, at 9:58:57
> > I keep getting scared that since he thinks I'm ready for this that he's trying to get me ready to leave.
>
> ****How would you draw this conclusion?**** From the little girl part of me, not from the logical, rational adult part of me that is totally fine with his decision and actually is kind of glad he decided that. We all have thoughts that aren't always rational. My T understands where mine come from (a history of trauma and not feeling able to trust any of my perceptions or that what someone said was actually the truth), it's fine if you don't. I realize it's not a rational thought, but it's also a thought that carries a lot of emotion and feeling behind it so it obviously comes from an important place. I intend to explore it with my T and see where it leads.
You said yourself in the paragraph above that you email him multiple times a day. Don't you think that's a bit much? (If you really be honest with yourself and look deep inside?)
**** I don't have to look deep inside. I know it is a bit much, and have known it for a while and felt unable to sit with the anxiety anyway, even knowing that rationally I probably shouldn't email him so much. He told me it's fine, I didn't do anything wrong, that it's like when his kids call out to him when he's at home and they just want to know where he is and then they go back to what they are doing, that that's all it is. I am trying very hard to believe him that I didn't do something wrong. And I do believe that in his eyes (although possibly not to an outside observer who only reads what I write here and doesn't see anything else about my interactions with T) it really wasn't wrong and that he really isn't upset about it. He's a very relaxed sort of person and I don't think much really upsets him.
I remember one post where you said (recently) that you emailed him 9 times one day! I also remember several times when you get upset/angry and say you aren't going to email him anymore... and that lasts about an hour.
*** Right, I get upset and angry *at myself* because I feel that I am e-mailing too much.
Really, for boundry and structure, he needs to put his foot down a bit and I think that it's good that he did. Don't get me wrong, I email my therapist also, but she's never put a number on it... I've also never abused it.
**** I don't think I abused it. It's not a word my T would use, so it's not a word I choose to use either. I also choose not to see it as him putting his foot down, because that implies I was in trouble, which I certainly did not feel in session with him. I choose to frame it the way he did, as just the next step to take in my healing.
I think you will find that if you don't run to email him at the slightest sign of anxiety or discomfort, you will find that you really can get through much more than you think you can.
*** I think that was his point, and I completely agree with that from the logical adult part of me. The little girl vehemently doesn't agree with that, but that's what we're working on in therapy is getting the adult to be able to soothe the little girl.
Besides, needing our therapists is one thing, but do you really want to be emailing him multiple times a day? 9 times a day? You don't think that's a bit much?
**** I said later on in my post if you read that far (I know it was long) that I do not want to feel I need to email him that much, and that I told him that.
>
> I hope this new arrangement works out for you.*** Me too, and I'm confident it will.
sunnydays
poster:sunnydays
thread:822921
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080405/msgs/823051.html