Posted by Dinah on April 7, 2008, at 8:49:41
In reply to Thank you for the welcome... » seldomseen, posted by stellabystarlight on April 6, 2008, at 21:34:40
From what you're saying he says, I feel pretty uncomfortable with his responses. It's nice to hear those things, but the rules are there for a reason. You're already seeing some of the negative affects that come from a therapist not holding the boundaries and keeping the therapeutic relationship secure.
You might want to see another therapist for a consultation. I'm not sure how old this one is, but perhaps he needs some supervision here.
I can understand if you aren't willing to leave him, at this point. But if you are going to continue to see him, you may wish to tell him what he doesn't yet know. That you see yourself as a love addict. Therapy doesn't work very well without a lot of painful honesty.
If it were me, I'd also add a bit of painful honesty about *him*. I'd say flat out that it is unfair of him to make you responsible for his feelings, as you described it so well. In fact I did at one point say something along the same lines. Not that my therapist has ever been in love with me. But a situation came up where he seemed to be asking my blessing to do something that would not be really good for me, and my response was along those lines. That he wasn't being fair to me. That the rules were there for a reason. And that he should take responsibility for his own decisions. My situation was an unusual one, and my therapist is not given to behaving this way. Nor is it the client's responsibility in any way to maintain the proper boundaries. But if you aren't ready to leave, and if you see that this is hurtful to you, the only course I can see under those circumstances is to start to draw some boundaries yourself.
Leaving his wife and being with you would mean his losing everything. His family, his home, and his practice and means of livelihood. It doesn't sound, from what you said, that he is the sort of man who is willing to do all that.
poster:Dinah
thread:821872
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080405/msgs/821999.html