Posted by DAisym on March 27, 2008, at 14:51:23
In reply to Why Do We Let This Stuff Bother Us?, posted by mair on March 26, 2008, at 17:47:36
Two things come to mind for me: object constancy and reliability. I think we react strongly to anything that suggests that we aren't held firmly in our therapist's mind - forgetting a conversation, getting details wrong, missing appointments suggests that we aren't front and center in their minds. It isn't the adult part of us that is reacting, it is the young child whose parents didn't get it right 100% of the time. We might really know that there is no way they can remember every detail of all their patient's lives but we sure want them too.
I also think it is a painful reminder that they are more important to us than we to them. It isn't that we aren't important at all...but we only have one of them and they have lots of us. And since contact is limited to mostly these scheduled times, there is loss in missing an appointment. Like Sunny said, "don't you love me?"
And object constancy comes into play. We've dubbed it "therapist-constancy" in my therapy - I have a hard time feeling the connection and feeling like he is there for me without frequent contact. And missed appointments make it worse. I think I have a pavlovian response to therapy after all this time...when I think I'm supposed to be having a session, my unconscious opens up, my brain gets ready...and it is disappointing to be in therapy mode and have no therapy.
Probably if there weren't the rules of contact, missed appointments wouldn't be so huge. When someone else has to cancel, we don't take it personal. EVERYTHING about therapy is personal. EVERYTHING.
Maybe that is how we know we are done...things like this don't bother us as much.
I'm sorry things got messed up. I hope you go tomorrow.
poster:DAisym
thread:819391
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080321/msgs/820164.html