Posted by raisinb on March 27, 2008, at 10:46:16
In reply to Re: Why Do We Let This Stuff Bother Us? » Phillipa, posted by mair on March 26, 2008, at 21:33:26
I've struggled with this throughout my whole therapy. My only guess is that such things push our childhood "buttons," even while our adult, rational self sits by saying, "why are you reacting this way?"
I vividly remember a time, early in therapy, when my T forgot my appointment time because it was switched. I also remember a huge fight we had because she'd spent a minute fiddling with the blinds in her office during a session (she thought the sun was in my eyes; I was positive she couldn't handle my stuff and was trying to create distractions from me). Last week, we'd switched an appointment time again, and I was so positive she'd forget (she didn't, but I assumed her hurried demeanor when I showed up meant she had) that I couldn't speak for the entire session.
Then, the next session, we had a sun issue again; she fixed them, I didn't yell, but was ranting about being frustrated over lack of change, and she said, "well you let me fix the blinds, so change is possible!" We laughed, and I think it was pretty funny for my therapist, who's usually so serious, but there's a tiny part of me who is still hurt. Most of me is marveling at how I could have thrown such a gigantic fit over some window blinds, even while knowing I might do it again any day.
*Sigh* What I do is laugh at myself a lot. And process this stuff with my therapist. But I think it's continually surprising to us, as adults (who probably do the same things in our professional lives all the time--occasionally forget a meeting, go home because of weather) to get so upset. There's always a little kid in there yelling, you DON'T LOVE me!
Therapy is difficult because our deepest feelings are on the table. Appointment consistency and attention to the details are sometimes the only way a T shows caring back.
poster:raisinb
thread:819391
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080321/msgs/820136.html