Posted by Daisym on December 8, 2007, at 11:45:53
In reply to Re: not feeling close **abuse trigger?..... long » sunnydays, posted by Maria01 on December 7, 2007, at 23:37:30
Please take this as being said really gently...
Maybe you have become so anxious about feeling close or not feeling close that you aren't focused on your stuff. And in my experience, when I let go and talk about my stuff, we feel close. He is present and it isn't such a struggle to pry things out of me. I know it is hard not to keep a death grip on that connection -- it is really important. But if you can focus away from it, it usually naturally comes back.
The other thing that happens to me frequently is that when I'm really trying to tell him something that is upsetting but I can't get to it, and then he says, "let's leave it for now" -- I feel dropped. And sometimes scolded. There is relief from the adult side that wants to push it all away but the little kid feelings are abandoned by us both and I get angry and sad. Especially if it happens at the end of the week.
Almost always when we talk about this it comes down to me wanting to be rescued by him - rescued from the memories and rescued from my struggle for the right words. I want him to talk and tell me what I'm feeling, make the connections and then fix it. But it just doesn't work that way.
And he has said that sometimes he wants to rescue me from what is clearly painful, so he might move us away from something too soon,and he needs to watch his own feelings around that.
I wish this process was easier too.
poster:Daisym
thread:799382
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071204/msgs/799512.html