Posted by frida on October 1, 2007, at 8:38:31
In reply to Re: My new T's resistance in this subject about old T » muffled, posted by happyflower on September 30, 2007, at 17:37:04
Dear Happyflower,
I understand how that comment can hurt you. It would have hurt me too. I think I would try to explain this to him, to see what he truly meant and if that applies to your mother (if she deserves that name) too. The example of Hitler also came to my mind. Who thinks of the person who went through the abuse and all that suffering? Why sympathize with the abuser and his reasons?
Child abuse..is a crime.no child should go through such torture.
I would never say that the abuser's behaviour is 'only human'.My T gets angry for me at my father and also my mother who didn't do anything. She has told me how this makes me feel and it was validating to me to know she views it as a crime and as something that can never be justified, no way. The few times she has tried to understand their position, I've felt hurt and told her so..I Don't like her saying my dad was sick, because it makes me feel that it justifies what he did.
She doesn't, and I prefer when she shows anger towards him and compassion for the little girl I was. She has said that if her husband ever did something like that she'd feel the need to kill him.I'd talk it over with your new T. Maybe he can clarify what he meant and you can tell him how this has made you feel and he can make it right?
Let us know how it goes.
Frida
> I get what you mean Muffy, your words are right on target. I believe I understand the being human thing, I just don't like being told that when I am in so much pain. For him to say that, it kinda feels he is dismissing what I am feeling, kinda like my pain isn't justifified on what happened to me.
> Maybe I need a different T. I just get the feeling he is trying to protect my old T more than he is trying to help me. "the good old boys network of protection".
> He doesn't seem to want to know everything that happened in my old T relastionship, well I think it is important for me to get it all out, and if I can't tell him, who can I tell? It is making feel like red flags are going up all over saying , don't trust this T.
>
> I feel like I have experienced some bad inhuman things as a child and if he is just going to use the term, we are all human, I can't see how this is going to be helpful to me. I can't imagaine telling a holocost victim of the concentration camps, that Hitler was only human. Does this make any sense to anyone.
>
> It reminds me of certain relatives and people telling me my mom did the best she could. Well WTF? Maybe that is true, but am I suppose to just accept what happened to me. It just feels like my pain is unjustified. Like I am suppose to just suck it up and quite complaining or something. I am thinking I need to cancel tomorrow.
poster:frida
thread:786055
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070929/msgs/786214.html