Posted by cubic_me on June 6, 2007, at 17:58:50
In reply to Re: ****suicide discussion thread*****, posted by wishingstar on June 4, 2007, at 12:07:38
I'm finding it hard to find words tonight, it's all so close to home, although I'm safe. But I'll have a go with my thoughts.
I think whether we are talking of loosing someone to suicide, or getting close ourselves, it's such a powerful experience that it's hard (maybe impossible) for those who haven't had it to understand.
I've come across so many who think suicide is selfish. Ofcourse on one level it is, but these people don't understand the pain and despair someone must have to contemplate it. Isn't it selfish to want someone to live?
If someone was in pain from an enduring illness for which there was no effective cure, most people would understand, and even support their decision to end their own life, but are less able to understand the mental suffering of someone who can find no effective treatment for their mental illness. What's more, people in physical pain get help and support from everyone around them, while those with mental pain get ostrasised, everyone backs away and they are left even more isolated.
A very close friend of mine killed herself. She'd gone through multiple treatments, tried her best, taken all the help on offer and still felt in despair. I mourned for her unlike any person I've ever lost, but I understood her decision, and was glad she was free from pain, just like if someone was in physical pain. The only thing I was angry about at the time, was that we didn't go together - we always said if it came to that we would.
>
> I think one of the problems with suicidal thoughts is that they can become a conditioned response and it keeps the cycle going. The disclaimer is that I only know that this has been the case for me, and I wouldnt claim that its the case for anyone else necessairly... so it's just thoughts. But I think... when we feel desperatly bad, suicide seems the best option.. but once a person has allowed suicide to be a very real option (not just a passing idea), it's hard to get rid of it. It's such a "good" solution - "good" in the sense that it's guarenteed to "fix" (stop) the problem. Once you cross that line and let it be an option the first time, it's so much easier to let it be an option later on. I think that as we start to pull out of the deep despair that we all have felt, the suicidal thoughts keep coming because we're so used to thinking in that way. Conditioned. My mind jumps there much more easily than most peoples might. It's almost automatic. And I really do believe it can play a role in keeping the cycle going. When I cognitively think about how much I want to die, I feel worse. And when I feel worse, I want to die more. But when I start feeling better, my mind still jumps to suicide so easily, and then I'm back to thinking about wanting to die, and......... etc etc etc.
>Sigh. I agree. It seems so easy to go there again once you've been in that place once - almost automatic. Sometimes I find it so easy to get into that very dark place I scare myself...really scare myself. When it doesn't scare me, I know I'm not safe.
poster:cubic_me
thread:760660
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070525/msgs/761519.html