Posted by fiji on June 6, 2007, at 8:00:35
In reply to Tuesday, posted by DAisym on June 5, 2007, at 15:39:51
Hi,
I've been having trouble posting so I couldn't respond earlier.In any case, hang in there. Sometimes the anticipation is worse than the event, at least for me anyway. I know i've asked the question before, but have you and your father ever discussed what happened? Or do you all just pretend everything is fine?
If you haven't discussed it, I know this visit will be extra hard. Maybe part of you wants to scream at him and tell him how much he hurt you. You can do that, if you want, you know, if it just slips out and maybe that's part of what you're afraid of? Holding it in is very hard.
Also maybe part of your problem with your T is transference that he doesn't seem to be getting it, just like when you were little. We give off signs when we're little (and maybe this is more of a mother thing) and when our feelings aren't acknowledged we just bury them deeper.
Shaking the boat is not the end of the world, but you will tell your parents when you are ready, or you may decide to never tell them, which is fine, too, as long as it doesn't keep damaging you.
I like the idea of you having a plan, of when he arrives and leaves, and an escape route if necessary, even if it's just going outside for a few minutes by yourself, or when you go to bed at night you just try and meditate a little to get through the next day. I still excuse myself for a nap, or something, just to regroup.
Remember that what you're going through w/your T is really part of the whole process, of not being heard when you were little, and as much as you would like his comfort you have to look inside too for that comfort, whatever small measures you can take during this time. Even if it's just calling your T when you're alone for support--do it if you need to.
I'm sending warm thoughts your way, and wishing you the best of luck.
love,
antigua
poster:fiji
thread:761101
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070525/msgs/761469.html