Posted by muffled on June 5, 2007, at 22:04:45
In reply to Tuesday, posted by DAisym on June 5, 2007, at 15:39:51
> Hopefully he will perk up soon.
*I hope so too
>
> My therapist wants the adult to recognize that she has the power now. I "know" that -- and I feel ridiculous for worrying about the garage or the refrigerator...who cares? But I get caught up in the worry that if I'm not perfect, I'll be punished and then left. Again -- ridiculous. After all, I'M angry with HIM...not the other way around. I shouldn't care that he gets angry. But I do and I get discombobulated about it. I kept trying to rise above the younger, frightened voices and agree that I am strong now and he has no power now. But the younger parts of me felt abandoned and my adult self felt criticized.*See daisy, for me it was a big thing to accept that my inside kids ARE KIDS. That I have to relate to them as who they in fact ARE. It was hard for me to accept these kids as kids cuz I'm an adult, so HOW can they be kids....but they ARE. So then of course when you can naccept that, then its easier to accept how they react to stuff, cuz like me, you a mom, and kids behavior is not new to you. You just goto accept that your inside kids are kids and so will act that way. Its OK, and to be expected.
Adult Daisy is strong and protect the body, but of course your ikids are scared. I would think it odd if they were NOT scared.
So here is daisy, a mass of confusion. I am the QUEEN of confusion.
So I guess alls I am trying to say, is there is nothing wrong or weird or bad about your behaviour. Your behaviour IMHO is NORMAL.
But I guess given the source of this honest opinion....mebbe it don't account for much...
But guess I wish you could cut yourself some slack, cuz this IS hard.
>
> So I shut down and stopped talking. I wasn't crying anymore either, I was just sitting. After a few minutes, my therapist asked the standard "where did you go?" question...and I just shook my head. He asked me if I was feeling criticized and I didn't answer the question, I just said something about knowing he was right and I didn't have to be perfect. He said he was sorry if he gave me the impression that I shouldn't be rattled by my family - perhaps sometime I will feel strong enough to not let it
get to me but I'm not there now.***Yeah, see, he was ignoring ikids, trying to put it all on the adult, well the ikids count too. No wonder you shut up.
Well, mebbe I'm not 'there' yet, but somehow I expect you may always be rattled, but mebbe you will learn better how to cope...All I could do was nod my head. He tried a few more times, "tell me what is going on" & "in an hour, what will you call me to say?" -- and then gave up again. With 5 minutes left he said, "you just aren't going to talk huh?" and I said, "I don't know what to say." And then I stood up and said, "so I'll just go." And I went - in tears, practically running. He sounded so frustrated and angry.
**but you know its not AT YOU. Its just I think he feels for you and proly wishes he could do more. But he will be fine. Your relationship will be fine.
My T is good about sometimes, that I say nothing, and I just want to be with her, and then my ikids feel safe for a bit.
>
> I couldn't talk because what I wanted to say was, "leave me alone!" I can't work on my stuff right now. I want to kill off all the younger parts so that the adult can remain calm and strong. And yet I want to protect all these feelings and memories because it took so long to get them back. I wanted to say, "you protect them and I'll take care of the rest of this" but I know he expects me to do that. I did say I was sorry this visit was so hard for him and for me. I can see that he is afraid for me and wants to help. I know that best thing is to be the grown up I know how to be. So why do I want to fling myself on the ground screaming, "no - don't touch me!" and have my therapist scoop me up and put me in a safe time out?**Awww. I have a kid that we all used to hate so much and we all wanted her to just die. But I guess it don't work that way... Anyhow, there's a kid(older and a GREAT kid!) that being nice to her, and damned if it isn't helping??? HOW? I do NOT know???But it is. Maybe you can try and not reject those kid parts, cuz they just kids. Maybe you can find a helpful ikid like I have too.(mind you it took some time for us to work things out....) And you can be as adult as you want to be, but your ikids still need attending to or they won't shut up. Mine wouldn't anyways...Cuz your ikids are hurting and scared. Maybe they don't trust you too good yet, but they will learn. And really to give the ikids a break, these are extreeme circumstances for them. Maybe your T CAN help hold your ikids? I think there is nothing wrong in that. And mebbe you've made all the plans you can. Maybe there's nothing left to do, but attend to those ikids. Maybe they just need some acceptance and nurture from you and/or your T.
I dunno.
I just am saying what I know and may be SO far off base....
But just in case something is helpful, then I write this.
>
> Yes - I can see the transference. If I don't do therapy perfect, if I don't do what I think my therapist wants, he'll drop me. If I don't make everything perfect for this visit, if I don't do what my family wants, they will abandon me. It has already been done once...so I'm justified in my fear that it will happen again.**Yes you are justified. But try and remember and as best you can, trust that your T has stuck with you this far.....
Its OK be have doubts at times. I do too.
>
> Oh...and he called after I left. He said he was sad the session went the way it did and that I left so upset. He said he really had hoped to strengthen our connection this week, not make it harder for me. He said a bunch of other stuff and asked me to call him and let him know I'm OK. I haven't called, I'm not OK. But he doesn't deserve to worry either.**Sometimes you can be not OK, and sometimes words just don't seem to help. Words are not magic always. Sometimes its just management a moment at a time. Remembering that it will pass. Sometimes you can go to a safe place in your head. Have you got one? Maybe you can put your ikids there.
Sometimes maybe your T just needs to not analysize, but just 'be'. Maybe he could read a happy story to your ikid, one about a critter that protects his friends or something?
Maybe you could just sit and play with playdough or something?
>
> This s*cks.**I agree, this whole thing TOTALLY sucks, but it will pass.
Take extra special care,
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:761101
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070525/msgs/761432.html