Posted by Daisym on May 9, 2007, at 1:08:10
In reply to One more thought, posted by pegasus on May 8, 2007, at 10:37:00
Everything you said makes sense to me. It feels almost like you are trying to prove to yourself that it is/was OK to want to reconnect and to gather some details. I know you "know" it is...but do you "feel" it is?
Families share the same stories over and over again to keep the details alive. We check in with those we care about to see if they had the same experience that we did. We confirm that "yes, this was unique, or important, or special." It helps us know ourselves and it helps us believe in our own perceptions. So it makes total sense to me that even if you know something inside yourself, you want to see if what you know matches what he knows. You want to connect through this shared experience. And you want to add his details to yours.
Think of war buddies. Going through an intense experience with someone creates a bond that is pretty unshakeable and you go over and over that experience. I think intense therapy has many of the same elements.
Finally, I believe that the little kid inside you needed/needs him to mirror the experience for you. She knows what she is feeling but she needs his support to trust what she knows. It reminds me of the young child who walks further and further away from her parent, but looks back to check and be sure, "this is OK, right?"
I'm glad you are still posting your thoughts about this.
poster:Daisym
thread:755778
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/757020.html