Posted by Daisym on May 5, 2007, at 18:49:59
In reply to Re: last session w/ex-T, posted by pegasus on May 4, 2007, at 13:25:07
(((Peg)))
What I hear all over these posts is,
"I miss you. Do you miss me?"
"You were/are so special to me, am I special to you?"
"Look at what I'm doing well! Are you proud of me? Can you see how the work we did together is paying off? I'm sad that you aren't here to continue the work."
"I loved and needed you. It hurt when you left. Did you hurt too?"...I think he did hurt. And he did miss you. The anguish as you try to work through all this is so apparent. It is a mixed bag of "I'm so mad at you!" and "I'm doing well - can you see that?!" Your grief at losing such an important relationship is profound. You weren't ready. The Universe didn't care. Accepting this was so hard. I can see how you'd really want to know if he struggled in the aftermath like you did. So what if there were potentially "worse off" clients? That doesn't diminish in anyway your grief.
The thought floats in (though this is definitely MY issue) if the little girl who was so attached, wonders if she did something that made him leave...or was there something she could have done to make him stay. And wondering if he thought about you and missed you (which I'm sure is true) is essentially asking, "did I matter? Did I have any effect on your life? Am I seen, in my suffering and in my loss?"
I think you might still be looking for the exact right question which gets you the answer that magically makes you feel better about this loss. And I'm so sorry, dear Peg, but it doesn't exist. This loss hurts, there is such a bitter-sweet quality to this reconnection, because it won't ever take away all the hurt. I suspect this will remain a tender place, this place in your heart that loves him. Intellectually you will reconcile all of the questions and answers given; In your heart, you will feel sadness.
How special he must really be for you to have developed such a deep connection. Your work to try and understand yourself now honors this connection. You are both amazing.
poster:Daisym
thread:755778
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/756146.html