Posted by wishingstar on February 16, 2007, at 15:14:01
In reply to Re: Looks like I just quit therapy, posted by peddidle on February 16, 2007, at 12:28:35
> I know all too well about wanting to get better, but not wanting to do the stuff that it takes to get better. I have been seeing my current T for roughly 2 or 3 years, and I still don't think I'm there yet. I keep going, though. Wanting to get better, but not having the energy or the motivation to do it is part of the illness. I'm sure Ginny understands that.
>***I'm not sure. She said shes frustrated. I've only been seeing her for about.. 4 months.. so this isnt a pattern shes had to watch forever.
> You said that you still feel like you need Ginny. Do you think that maybe you are trying to push her away before you get too attached? I know that feeling, and I fight with it every day. She wants to help you; you are not wasting her time.
>***I dont know. I guess its possible, but I dont really feel that way on a conscious level. I really want her to be closer in some ways. I feel like I'm putting up my emotional walls to protect myself with her right now though, thats for sure.
> I know it could feel worse if any kind of social gathering went badly. I am dealing with this too. You're right, it is safer to just avoid the situation altogether, and not risk the pain. But if you never take that risk, you could also be missing out on some really good times. Yes, some of them may end badly, but you will always have the good times to look back on. Can we ever truly know happiness unless we have tasted sadness? Can we ever feel real comfort unless we have felt pain?
> >***Please, please, please dont try to talk me into doing anything social right now. I'm trying the best I can and I do know isolating is bad.. and being social is worth the risk... I really do. I'm feeling super sensitive to this right now though. But I dont think there is any lack of pain or sadness to compare happiness against for me at this point. The really good times in my past just havent been that good - whether I was being social or not. It just isnt very rewarding for me.
> > I really am trying. It's just not good enough.
> That's the depression talking, and I'm sure you know that. Just being able to say "I really am trying" means that you are doing well enough.
> >***Ginny said that. Not in those words, but close enough.
>
> **I'm sure some of what you're feeling will be alleviated once you get your meds figured out. It is also good that you kept your appointment with Ginny for next week; you should hear her thoughts about the email you sent her.
>***I hope so. But in 8 years, I still have never found a med that helps.. so I'm not putting too much hope it in finding "the one" in the next few weeks.
> I'm sorry if any of this sounded like a lecture, and I can understand if you don't listen to any of it. As I'm sure you know, this is all very "do as I say, not as I do". You have been very helpful to me, and I wanted to try and return the favor.
>***Its okay. I understand where you're coming from and my frustration is really with myself and the situation, not with you in any way (I feel like maybe I came off a little short. i hope not). I appreciate your help, really. Thank you.
Not surprising that its 4pm and my psychiatrist hasnt called back. Looks like if I go to the hospital, I'll be taking myself without any contact with him. Oh well.
poster:wishingstar
thread:733206
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070215/msgs/733320.html