Posted by fayeroe on February 8, 2007, at 22:58:00
In reply to Re: I feel upset *********triggers**********, posted by Deneb on February 6, 2007, at 2:04:12
> I can't sleep. I'm still upset. I don't know what to think anymore. My whole being, my whole personality is bad. I feel like life is not worth living anymore, but it's manipulative for me to write that.
>
> I'm lonely. I feel like I have no friends right now. I just want to be nothing right now, not even a ghost, nothing. I want to be nothing. I don't want to upset others anymore. They way I do things, express myself, upsets others. There is something wrong with *me*. My soul is flawed.
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> I feel like I should kill myself because the way I am only hurts people. I don't want to hurt people anymore. It's better if I wasn't here. I need to stop being selfish. I need to think about others. The world is better off without me. Someone told me I only cause trouble on Babble. I don't mean to, but it's true. Babble has changed for the worse because of me.
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> I'm being manipulative even as I write this by writing about killing myself. I don't know what to do. I'm sorry I'm the way I am.
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> (after a while)
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> I'm OK. I'm not going to kill myself. I'm a big wimp. I'm afraid of dying. I have a feeling killing myself is manipulative. Also it won't make things better. People will feel upset if I kill myself. I don't want people to be upset. But, people are upset by me living. I don't know which is the lesser evil. Will I hurt people more by living and being manipulative or dying? Somehow I think I will hurt people less by dying. If I die, people will be very upset for a while, but they will get over it. If I live I will continue to be manipulative and upset others, over and over again for years and years.
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> My life is ruined, why shouldn't I kill myself? To see Bob again? I'm selfish. I don't want to die right now. I want to live and hurt others over and over again by being alive. I should probably die if I want to do the right thing and make the world a better place.
>
> I wish I didn't have parents right now. If I kill myself my Mom would be extremely upset. If I didn't have family right now I think I just might kill myself. I can't bare to think how upset my Mom would be. If my Mom died I could probably kill myself.
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> It's so strange...I'm terrified of dying from disease, but not from suicide. Am I afraid of death or what?
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> I don't want to live right now. I don't want to kill myself, I just don't want to live right now. I wish I could kill myself.
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> I'm confused. I make contradictions. I feel a little better now. I get too upset. My emotions explode.
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> No, I don't want to live right now. Don't want to die, but don't want to live. Can't kill self cuz Mom will be super upset if I died. Can I just pretend that my Mom wouldn't be upset?
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> It's almost 3 pm right now. I don't want to go to sleep. I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow. I feel like I should kill myself because that's the right thing to do and I don't want to live anymore. I can't face life. I can't face it.
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> I'm a horrible person. I'm being manipulative by writing I don't want to live. I don't deserve to live. I wish I could die. I wish people wouldn't be upset by my death. I don't want to upset people. I think the way I want to die is fairly painless. Will I kill myself? Who knows? I don't know.
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> Ok, I feel a little better now. I probably won't kill myself anytime soon.
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> Deneb*denneb, i've kept silent as long as i can. when you talk about killing yourself, i flash back to when my FIL killed himself and the family blamed me because i wasn't available to talk him out of it. you see, i was the one that "handled" everything in that dysfunctional family and i was at mass when it happened. i feel physically sick every time i think of it and even though i know it wasn't my fault.....it still bothers me.
i wanted to explain to you why some of your postings are so upsetting to other posters.
killing yourself becuase you think you're manipulative, no one likes you, you're lonely, you're bored, etc. isn't any kind of answer.
it hurts me when you post like this. i try to go about my life without dwelling upon painful things but sometimes i am drawn to your threads and i read them and it hurts.
pat
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poster:fayeroe
thread:730248
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070203/msgs/731272.html