Posted by wishingstar on January 26, 2007, at 9:21:24
In reply to Re: what keeps you going? » wishingstar, posted by Daisym on January 26, 2007, at 0:00:45
Oh Daisy, I'm so sorry you're hurting so much right now.
I do know what you mean about being in a "removed, cold, flat" space, beyond tears. I have felt this exact same way recently, and you were able to put it into words. I feel a step or 2 behind everything mentally and nothing is really clicking anymore, including talking this out with Ginny. It's a very hard place to be.
I'm really glad your therapist made you give him that promise,, and that youre sticking to it. This may sound silly to say, but Daisy, I (we) do not want you to die. I understand how much pain you're in right now and how it's hard to see any better option. Unfortunately I cant really say what the better option is yet, but there has to be one there, or else people wouldnt come out of depression ever. And obviously they do.
You're right, it is a solitary decision and no one can actually save you. That's true. But people can support you and care about you. Sometimes it's helpful for me to just know people are there and ready to listen, even when I'm not in any mood to ask for support. Hopefully that knowledge helps you. I know there is a lot of crazy going on over at admin right now, and it has me a little afraid of my words as well, but please dont let that stop you from reaching out and asking for help or telling us how you're feeling. People will worry because they care about you, but personally, I'm okay with that and I can handle it. I'd rather know someone was hurting and maybe worry some than have no idea while they suffered in silence. Of course you're always more than welcome to babblemail me too if you'd like, if you dont want to post it all on the boards for whatever reason. But you've been here awhile and I'm sure you have other friends you already have babblemail relationships with.
I guess it's easier for me to sound hopeful for others right now, can you tell? It's easier to see things in others than it is in yourself I guess.
Regarding the hospital, I respect your decision and dont want to pressure you to do anything in the least. I've been looking into going back in for a weekend or 5 days or so, but to an all-psych hospital I think might be a little better than the psych unit I saw before. If you ever consider it even in the slightest, I'm happy to tell you more about my experience. But I can understand wanting to hold on to the responsibility for your own life. I just want whats best for you and for you to be happy.
poster:wishingstar
thread:726366
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070119/msgs/726651.html