Posted by wishingstar on January 25, 2007, at 22:37:24
In reply to Re: what keeps you going? **suicide trigger, posted by caraher on January 25, 2007, at 18:25:12
caraher,
wow. thank you for sharing this story. I've heard that argument a million times ("what if you fail...") but for some reason the way you put it struck me. I think I'm in a very vulnerable, open sort of place tonight and that may be why, but nonetheless. Thank you. If it's okay with you, I'm going to print this out and save it. I think it was really the last sentence that was really powerful for me... the other side of a moment I might regret forever.
In most ways, I know I am very lucky. I'm young, healthy (yes, you assumed correctly), well educated, okay financially, living in a safe area, a good T... situationally, I'm really doing quite well. You're right, there is no reason to expect that it wont get better, except that is just never has. I know that probably sounds silly coming from a 24 year old (how long can it have possibly been, right?) I've been severly depressed since I was about 16 - basically all of my late teen/adult life - so it is what I really remember I guess. I dont remember ever feeling like an adult (or young adult) and being "okay" so it's hard to see past it. I just have a hard time imagining anything different. I'm having a hard time seeing a reason it would change.
Plus, and this may be the biggest factor, I have to live with myself for the rest of forever. And that in itself is enough to make me want to jump off the nearest bridge. I'm so sick of myself. Eh.
But I have a feeling that last phrase will stick in my mind. Truly, thank you for sharing that with me.
poster:wishingstar
thread:726366
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070119/msgs/726562.html