Posted by annierose on October 31, 2006, at 20:23:40
In reply to Re: Stress, therapy and guilt » annierose, posted by Dinah on October 31, 2006, at 12:28:25
Your "ramblings" were very helpful. I had to read and re-read your thoughts several times. And I'm most happy that you left therapy feeling better, because at the end of the day, that feeling is precious.
>>>And what really subtle thing she's doing to annoy you, or she's not doing that you need. <<<
Hmmm. I think this is part of the frustration that I'm feeling. And I have told her this. I hear in her questions, and her responses a subtle voice, "Stay with your husband. He loves you." And what she doesn't seem to hear is the shouting of my voice, "But I don't love him anymore." It's like she doen't believe me and I need to defend myself. And when we have these discussions, she is gentle and kind and points out that she is supportive of me regardless. But reminds me what a major decision this is and the ripple effect for my children.
Lightbulb moment: maybe I had to cancel my session today so I could go forward in telling my husband my wish for a divorce.
I called my parents to let them know. They were supportive in their own kind of way. My mom cautions me as well to move slowly. It's hard to make this decision when both parties are under so much stress at work. That is true.
When I talk about not loving him anymore, my T will say, "Yes, I hear that you stopped loving him. But it's hard to know how you will feel once you receive a heartfelt apology and see him making the internal changes he needs to make." How long do I wait? How much time do I give him? Haven't I waited long enough? Don't I deserve a second chance at happiness?
I do get what you T suggested for me as well. I think a bit of that is true too. There is also a underlying sense of not to go too deep right now, that there is enough on my plate and just keep it simple.
I keep repeating to myself (and I almost half believe it): I will be okay, I am okay, I will be okay, I am okay ...
and so it goes.
Thank you so much. Your kindess touches my heart.
poster:annierose
thread:699112
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061026/msgs/699429.html