Posted by ElaineM on October 15, 2006, at 22:40:23
In reply to Re: more2 * abuse trig » ElaineM, posted by Lindenblüte on October 15, 2006, at 21:11:34
I promise I will. I am. Don't worry (((Li))) I'm working hard to do what doctors say. I'd probably do anything a doctor said. Or at least try. When I get wishing for death I sometimes get the urge to throw out all my pills and never go to another doctor again. But I've been so good this summer with AB. I've never been on such a long string of them. Though this is the first physician to prescribe them - it's only been dentists before :( I have a hard time fighting the urge to turn away from believing in doctors cause they keep letting me down. But I will finish the pills that young-doc gave me. I promise you. Plus IV's are yucky and I wouldn't want one. And I think of LadyDoc, and she would want me to take medicine - if she doesn't hate me now.
>>>>hugs for you. Even if you like pain, I know there's a little part of you that appreciates a friendly hug from someone who cares.
You are right :"( ((((((Li)))))) I like training myself to feel that way. But I like safe hugs - even though that's scary to say. What happens when you admit that you like hugging trustful people and then the hugs don't ever come. I fear I've spent a whole life conditioning myself to accept the wrong things.
You take care too. You wear your gloves and I will take the huge pills.
I don't know how much I'll post now. T is back and he sent a scary (not violent scary) email. I'm scared. He is upset that I've been missing sessions cause of doc and dentist appointments. (I had an unsuccessful, second! round of endo done on rootcanal#2 last week. He may want to pull it :-( I'm gonna beg for one more round.) But he says I'm not proving that I want to be coming to see him. I sent him one back saying sorry and explaining more what's going on in my head, but he hasn't returned it.
I did have something pretty big to say but I keep feeling like sh*t. I was kinda glad he was home before. I wasn't expecting that message :-( I feel guilty so much for speaking. Maybe I should train myself to not need to post stuff on the board like I do to think I like pain - but who will I get help from then.
blove, EL
ps. (((((mufflie))))
poster:ElaineM
thread:694836
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061012/msgs/695186.html