Posted by wishingstar on October 6, 2006, at 18:24:07
In reply to Re: I ran into Anne hahahah » wishingstar, posted by Lindenblüte on October 5, 2006, at 17:30:57
I saw Laurie this afternoon. Overall, it didnt go as well as I'd hoped... I really just needed to cry and sit with the pain today, and she really wanted to talk about how far I've come/strengths and practical solutions. It sounds crazy to not want to talk about strengths and successes I guess, but sometimes they just dont matter in the midst of the pain. It did help some though. I dont think she realized how bad I was truly hurting and I didnt let her in enough, so its mostly my fault.
We did, of course, talk about my run-in with Anne. I said she was going to kick me when I told her what I'd said to Anne, but when I did, she said she didnt know why I even thought that. I told her I was afraid she'd say I was just drawing it out with Anne, but she didnt. Thank goodness she understood that. She understood how important this termination/closure has become.
She basically said the exact same thing all of you have said. (Hey, maybe we should all be Ts? hah!) We talked quite a bit about how regardless of how Anne is acting now, it's not about me. This is about her. I tried and tried so hard to connect with her and for some reason, it just wouldnt happen. Laurie tried to stay a little more neutrsl than I was she would have (of course I wanted her to hate anne too!) but I guess I understand that, seeing as how she's only getting one side of the story and everything. I just hope that doesnt mean she doesnt believe me completely.. but that wasnt the feeling I got from her. Unfortunately we ran out of time before we ever got to discuss how I should handle this now.. what kind of message to leave for Anne, what to do next time I run into her (because its bound to happen), etc. The parallels between the major crisis of my childhood and what Anne is doing are amazing.. we also talked about that some. It's really reopened a major wound for me. But Anne isnt going to get that. There is no way I can be clearer with her. This is about her now. Laurie and I did some hypothesizing about what Annes issue might be.. from something going on in her life right now (because there really was a turning point in all this.. it wasnt always bad with her), to not knowing how to handle suicidal behavior (she'd better learn if she's a T), to her feeling ineffective and not knowing how to help me. I dont know. I guess in the end, it doesnt matter.
I'm going to leave a message in a day or so saying nevermind about the session. I'm still debating what to say. I want to mention that I feel like her saying "Ill think about it" when we saw each other said more to me than she could say in an entire session, and that her unwillingness to give me any clousure has been very painful. There is a lot more I'd LIKE to say, but I dont know how far to go. Maybe it isnt worth it to say more than that? What do you all think?
poster:wishingstar
thread:691777
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/692497.html