Posted by TherapyGirl on September 27, 2006, at 12:14:11
Ya' know, just when I think I've got it figured out and am stable, I screw things up with T AGAIN. I make posts to some of you who are struggling with T relationships (Daisy and Muffled come to mind) and I mean what I say and it all sounds very good, but when it comes to my OWN situation, I completely lose my mind.
So T is out of the office this week, taking care of her grandchild. We had several conversations about this (about her having the baby for an entire week and about her being available to me at her house if I needed her). Anyway, yesterday, I drove by her office on the way to the library and HER CAR WAS THERE. I immediately LOST MY MIND because I immediately thought she had lied to me. I had called her voice mail over the weekend to leave a message for next week and she hadn't changed it, but I thought she forgot. Then when I saw her car, I assumed that she was just off part of this week (or maybe just my day) and didn't want to reschedule with me. You know, because I'm so high maintenance and she's so sick of me. So I called her voice mail, told her I had seen her car and said I couldn't believe she lied to me. That no matter what she thought (whether she thought she was protecting me or making it easier for me), that she couldn't lie to me or else I could never believe anything she said to me. I told her I felt like we had had this conversation too many times (the other times involved her not telling me things, not lying) and that I was at a loss as to what to do. That I didn't know if I could ever get over her LYING to me.
She just called me. I didn't pick up because I'm too messed up to talk to her. She left me a message, saying she had gotten my message and that she hoped I'd had "time to think things through more clearly and get to a better place about it." She then told me to call her if I got the message in the next 5 minutes (while grandchild is occupied), or otherwise she would call me later.
The call came from her house. So I just called her voicemail and she has now changed the message, saying she'll be back in next Wed. So she didn't LIE to me, she just implied that it would be a regular week she was out. I'm still irritated because I feel like she gave me inaccurate info. about where to reach her when (which was important because there are big job things going on this week, which she knows). But I do feel bad for immediately assuming the worst. I honestly don't do this with other people -- just her. And she has put in 21 years with me, so I shouldn't. But I can't seem to help it.
So if any of you have any advice for me about how to handle the phone call later, I'd appreciate it.
poster:TherapyGirl
thread:689599
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/689599.html