Posted by muffled on September 26, 2006, at 23:23:33
In reply to past female helpers » muffled, posted by ElaineM on September 26, 2006, at 14:35:59
> >>>>And he should understand that sometimes a woman just wants to talk to another woman, and not a man.
>
> You see, I thought he understood that. Before our relationship changed (and he actually seemed excessively distant and cold before), we spent alot of time talking about how important it was for me to be able to hear from LadyT every now and then. And moreso, how terribly significant it was that I could trust LadyDoc and allow her to touch me, considering all the medical stuff I'm going through. Up until the anorexia, I avoided doctors like the plague.***Thanks for the explanation WHY. You do understand you had a severely dysfunctional childhood? Your parents behavior was horrible. That is NOT what parents are supposed to act like. They are supposed to nurture and cherish their children, not laugh at them...
> Plus, I've refused to let male doctors touch me since I was forced to ER once when I was emaciated for the first time. A male student was allowed to do my exams (humiliating ED exams) infront of two others, and I was so ashamed. I have a not-nice history too. So to let a physician touch me and not think of other worse things, was a big deal.***Sorrry ((((((El)))))))
>
> He had always said that he understood that, and that he wasn't in competition with female professionals from my past. He said that he KNEW I needed a positive female figure to learn to not be afraid of. HE SAID HE GOT IT :"( I guess not though. I don't know.***So WILL he help you find a female T?
>
> >>>>> its him thats trying to push the boundaries of the T relationship.
>
> I'm not using this as an excuse, but he doesn't see it like this. He honestly sees it as a 50/50 split. He said that I kept on and on at him, letting him know that I wasn't benifitting from the "regular" way. I've told him many times since that I didn't mean he had to change everything. Honestly, all I remember saying was that I wished he could seem more like LadyT to me. But she was NOT like this. Obviously. I really just wanted him to do the same mirroring as her, and not speak with so much fluff. Like, repeating my words verbatum in his responses, or saying all the stock phrases. I even told him to please just say nothing at all. Just listen, if he was only gonna act like a textbook. I'm not saying LadyT wasn't "by the book" or didn't have boundaries. She was, and did, but she pulled it all off while still seeming like a "regular person" with genuine concern and feelings. This is something else entirely.***I think your T proly DOES wish you well. I think he DOES care for you. But I'm not sure he is mentally well at this time......mebbe he is not thinking right. We all know how messed up in our heads we can get....so I don't think your T is necc. BAD. I just think he could use some outside help himself.
YOU can't help him by yourself, he needs a professional to help him.
>
> You know, when I look back at her now from this vantage point, she does seem a bit cold. And that makes me really sad. I wouldn't have noticed that before if I wasn't so "used" to the way T acts now. I hope with all my heart that she didn't just see me as a plant she was experimenting on. I could not withstand hearing that his view of her was true.***El you are sweet, I don't think could not have liked you. Sometimes the boundaries can come across as coldness, but they are there to protect both client and T. They are very important to a good theraputic relationship.
> But then, I do want an IRL friend more than anything.....I'm afraid I'm asking for both things at once....I don't know. The more I try and think my way through everything, the more confused I end up. :(
***I think your T CAN be your friend, as longt as he doesn't harass you. He cannot be a T AND your friend however. I don't beleive that is possible.
I think, given the peeks you have given us of your family history, that you need a good, objective, strong boundaried-but kind, woman T. I think esp. with your history and your sweetness, that a T would NEED strong boundaries to be able to survive and best be able to help you thru your pain.
I have learned ALOT with my T, bout how I think of stuff, and why I react the way I do bout stuff. And its helped me lots. Even the struggles with my T have been learning experiences. So you can achieve these gains too.
So keep searching, and searching for that T.
She's out there.
Take care El,
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:687876
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/689501.html