Posted by finelinebob on September 9, 2006, at 3:34:27
In reply to ***TRIGGER*** and explicit.. but not too, ..., posted by susan47 on September 9, 2006, at 0:52:17
My brother and grandfather died when I was 8. A boating accident on Lake Huron that almost took my father's and another brother's life. All the same, it killed my family. The life I can remember began then ... I can't remember much before it at all.
Here comes the gruesome trigger part:
Every Christmas, early (1am or so) in the morning while everyone else was asleep, I'd secretly come down, turn on the lights on the tree, and ask for the only present I ever wanted -- for my brother to be alive again. Then came the "what ifs". For an 8 year old, that meant what if my brother was really still alive and trapped in his coffin. As I grew older and learned what happens to the body after death, well, I learned to stop coming down to stare at the Christmas tree lights for hours.
Then I was thinking why post here? I'm not affected by that anymore.Except for how I barricade my workspace at home, piling items around me to close me in. How I wrap myself in my sheets and blanket so tight I can't really move ... and don't. I'll wake up in the same position from a dreamless sleep, and then I'll check the length of my fingernails. Clippers are always within easy reach.
But other than that, it really hasn't affected me at all.
poster:finelinebob
thread:684139
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060826/msgs/684404.html