Posted by susan47 on September 9, 2006, at 0:52:17
In reply to Intrusive thoughts identified... ***TRIGGER***, posted by Racer on September 8, 2006, at 0:29:24
When I was a kid my parents watched the BBC production of Henry VIII, someone else mentioned it in this thread. And it frightened me so much, because even though I was supposed to be asleep, they always had the sound cranked up really loudly, it played I think from 10-11 pm every Sunday night ... and I remember the sounds and the voices leading up to the executions, what the women said in the tower beforehand, how they felt, I absorbed it all, and at the end, I remember vividly imagining their heads .. floating in space, and it didn't leave me for many years.
I didn't feel peace, and I remember when I was really young, about six in fact, my mother watching some play on tv about some poor young boy tortured to death, and I became so depressed and obsessed, I think it's experiences like that that made me obsessive/compulsive, it isn't anything I was born with. The fear and the anxiety and the depth of feelings which couldn't be put into any context other than the completely personal ... watching and hearing these things all felt very personal. We have good imaginations. It doesn't take much for our souls to take the journey that others IRL have already taken.
It isn't good to expose kids to this kind of stuff, I hope parents are reading and getting it. My kids are smart enough to tell me, they're aware enough of their feelings and they know that they'll be respected when they tell me to turn that off. I don't have cable, but sometimes I'll get a video from the library that they can't handle, and my son especially is very good at telling me No, that's not appropriate for me, Mom.
Just recently, I read something about beheading (this happens today, folks, it's not exactly only history, you do know this, right?) that was completely unnecessary knowledge, unhelpful, only to be cruel perhaps that it was written, or perhaps to unburden the mind of the writer, who had witnessed one. Perhaps the best thing you could do, Racer, is talk about it. I can't believe all the responses you got, that people feel and respond the same way as me. Wow. I used to see horrible things in my head on the most benign of occasions, i.e., watching an infant. It isn't fair to ourselves to have obtrusive thoughts, and I don't know how to get rid of them. I don't remember how it happened to me, that i was able to control them.> I'm not sure what brought these back. I guess I'm glad I identified them, though. Kinda explains why I'm feeling so sick to my stomach all the time, you know? I don't know what set this off, but I sure wish I knew what to do about it.
>
You could be feeling sick to your stomach for a good physical reason. Like, if you have low blood pressure it can set off a feeling of nausea and being unwell, sick to your stomach etc. I get that.Well, in any case beheading is supposed to be quick, painless .. a lot of people go through a lot more horrible deaths than that. It's the idea of knowing exactly when your time is coming that gets me, and how, and that it'll be at the hands of man. I mean, it isn't natural, is it???? How does an executioner go home to his family at the end of the day and make love to his wife? There was an excellent article in I think Harpers this year about a retired French Algerian executioner .. get this. When he was younger, he apprenticed to HIS FATHER, and he used to catch the heads in the basket, his father was the executioner (I guess that's called working your way to the top, or whatever ...). Guess what his father died of? THROAT CANCER.
So there must be Karma involved. I'm glad it isn't me. Just be glad it isn't you. You have your imagination. Maybe you could write something about it, write it out. I find that helps a lot, but it takes courage to put it on paper. You could always write out a scenario, maybe that would help you get the feeling/obsessive thought part of it out of you?
poster:susan47
thread:684139
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060826/msgs/684381.html