Posted by littleone on September 6, 2006, at 21:52:08
For a long time now I've really kind of idolised my T. Had him up as some special entity on a pedestal. It's the only way I can keep seeing him. When I see him as a real or ordinary person, things go very badly for me and I really struggle to even just stay in therapy.
For over a month now I've been lost in the nothingness. Just on some sort of numb autopilot. The nothingness kicked in just after a couple of big things hit me. One of which was overhearing some stuff about my T that made him more real and ordinary to me. It's too threatening when that happens.
So we've wondered if this issue is the one causing the nothingness.
And he's thinking about somehow getting off the pedestal. I haven't asked him for specifics. I don't want him off. a) I'll probably do a runner and b) I think I'll be more closed off from him. If he's a real and ordinary person, then things I say/write can hurt him or make him feel/think things. Then I need to start censoring everything and things go downhill.
I'm telling him all this and we'll talk more about it. But I was wondering how other people feel about their T's being special beings or being on a pedestal, etc. What the pros and cons are for them. Has anyone had their T's move from being on a pedestal to being real and ordinary. How that was like for them and how it affected their therapy.
It's interesting because my T says that most kids get real angry at their parents when they realise they are just ordinary people instead of some sort of special entity to look up to. I didn't. My dad was never someone to look up to. He was just a big scary monster. That's why my T thinks I especially need him to be so good and special.
poster:littleone
thread:683806
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060826/msgs/683806.html