Posted by daisym on September 1, 2006, at 19:44:23
Why can't therapy just feel good?
I guess it is a rhetorical question but I'm struggling so much with it right now. I feel abandoned and pushed out of the nest...and yet at the exact same time I sort of know that I should try out some of the things I'm learning in therapy and not just hide from my life in my therapist's office.
He said yesterday that the decisions are mine to make..."at this stage in your therapy" and I was crushed by these words. I think I figured out why -- I want to know what he thinks and would do because I want to do "what is right" -- even if it hurts. If I choose what feels good, it could be the wrong thing to do and then I'd have failed. So I'm paralyzed and not doing anything. But apparently "at this stage" in my therapy, I should know the right thing to do. So I'm furious with him for not alerting me that there were stages and expectations for each stage. And I know I'm furious mostly because I feel so embarrassed to not have known that and to once again be asking him to do something I wasn't supposed to ask for. I can even label this "transference" but labeling it doesn't make it hurt less.
I hate this. I hate that I need therapy. I want to quit. But I think that would hurt worse. And it makes matters worse that this is a long weekend, and babble is usually pretty quiet and empty. Sometimes I wish I wasn't smart enough to know what I was supposed to do so that I wouldn't feel so bad about not wanting to do it. (Does that make sense?) *sigh*
poster:daisym
thread:682133
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060826/msgs/682133.html