Posted by llrrrpp on August 30, 2006, at 16:44:26
My T is funny he cracks me up. Today he told me that my fogetting to bring my medicine on a recent trip was a way for me to avoid work. Um. okay, I can buy that, but I resisted, just to see... And we talked about whether this is *actually* what happened. I said- you know I don't need "Freud" to tell me that I'm conflicted about doing my work! I KNOW that already! "NO, [ll] that wasn't Freud. THAT was Dr. [T]", in a very grandiose gesture. I started laughing so hard, and he was laughing too. I really like his sense of humor. Kind of wicked. He 'gets' my sarcasm too. Lots of people don't. And he doesn't annoy me, as I fear a lot of T's would. Grating on my nerves, trying my patience, etc. I guess I'm lucky. Still don't look forward to my appts though. Am I supposed to feel dread and anxiety as the hour nears? why does it scare me so much?
And then the bad news. I have bad news to talk to T about. Stress with my mom that's affecting my dad's delicate health [health?- how about delayed death?]. And that makes me really sad, because my mom deserves so much better. oh what the hell. I'll spill. My mom got fired soon after getting her first full-time job in 4 years since Dad got sick. And they didn't tell her why. (((Mom))). God, I'm about to cry just now, just thinking about it. Life is so cruel. Now what?
Oh, and I cried about how I can't tell my husband when I'll be ready to have a baby, because I want to have a PhD first? And I feel like all our plans as a couple and a family are resting on my ability to finish this f*cking PhD. Hmm. gee, I wonder why I'm depressed. Well. Have a baby, buy a house, get a job. When did this become so stressful? I used to look forward to this stuff.
I'm so confused. my head is hurting.
I dehydrated my head from crying so much. Why do I hate crying so much in front of T? I'm always holding back. hurts so bad to hold it back, but I do it anyways. I HATE feeling weak like that. I trust him, we work well together-- but ??
I hate being human.
-ll
poster:llrrrpp
thread:681522
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060826/msgs/681522.html