Posted by llrrrpp on August 26, 2006, at 23:37:25
In reply to Re: late this night » llrrrpp, posted by ElaineM on August 26, 2006, at 23:19:27
Nope, your relationship to your T is not offensive to me in the slightest. I've told you before that I don't judge you for it.
See, the thing is that there are T's trained to work with the most disturbed people that you or I can imagine. So what if some people fall in love with their T, or feel like hitting their T, or become dependent on their T? or don't connect with their T?
Those are just feelings, and T's have to learn how to deal with their clients feelings. AND they have to learn to recognize when they CANNOT deal with their client's feelings. And that is their main responsibility. I mean, a surgeon has to accept what they find when they cut someone open, right? And they can't allow their personal feelings to affect the quality of the service they provide to the person who NEEDS them, anaesthetized on the table, right? If a surgeon realizes that they're in over their head, they better find someone who can step in, because the person on the table isn't getting any better on their own, right?
I hold T's (including your T) to those standards of professionalism. You can tell him your story, and tell him whatever you think will help you. He has to show restraint in how he treats you in response, just like the surgeon. You are not in a safe therapy situation if you have to censor yourself because you're afraid of him kissing you.
But it doesn't offend me in the slightest that you have feelings for you T, and that his behavior and your therapy is confusing. It doesn't offend me that you have been ready to leave him in the past, but weren't able to. That's okay. You tried. You need a new T, though, which you sometimes allude to. I'm not offended that things haven't worked out for you in this respect. You're going through a lot, and when the time comes, you'll do what you need to do to get a new T. You're smart enough, and you need your T for therapy, not to love you. There will be other people to love you. Even people who will love you well, as you have always deserved.
Seriously, I'm not offended or mad at you, I don't judge you. I'm offended by your T. He ought to know that the T-client relationship is too important to be neglected and violated.
I still think you're okay- better than okay, really!
-ll
poster:llrrrpp
thread:680048
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060826/msgs/680423.html